Rina Stam with her mother. Supplied photo
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Rina Stam will present the book ‘Which day is it today?’ this spring. She writes that story largely from the thoughts of her mother who suffered from dementia for years and died last March. “At the beginning of her illness, Mom often asked what day it was. ‘One day I’m going to write a book with that title’, I often joked at the time. In recent months I have seriously started working on it,” says Rina, who moved to France from Belt-Schutsloot last year.
After the necessary renovation, she found time there in the peace and nature to write the book. Despite ‘What day is today?’ is a mixture of reality and fantasy, she draws largely from her own experience. Just like her grandmother and great-grandmother, her mother suffered from dementia. “It started with forgetfulness. She lived with us at the time. Slowly the disease crept into her and our lives. After a stay of thirteen years in the nursing home, Mom passed away this spring,” says Rina.
About the disease process
Despite moments of misery and despair, she does not only look back negatively on her mother’s illness. “What surprised me most is that the disease is not in a tight, declining line. Even shortly before her death, Mom sometimes had a moment of clarity. I am convinced that people who are further in dementia float with their souls between heaven and earth. The initial process in which you notice dementia is starting is horrific. But later on, the process is especially difficult for others. We still see our loved ones as we are as healthy people, but they no longer know themselves as we know. After the first period of dementia, which is accompanied by anger and suspicion, Ma slowly found peace and then her sweet and cheerful character resurfaced.”
Spiritual experience
What is special is that Rina describes most of the book from her mother’s thoughts. And that while mother never shared it. Rina considers it a spiritual experience. “When I was sitting at my laptop, I closed my eyes and asked Mom how she experienced the illness. Then I got the lyrics through in my head and my fingers flew naturally over the keyboard. I was stuck at the end of the book. I found it difficult to let the story end with the main character, my mother, dying while she was still alive. Then I closed my eyes again and asked her how I should end the book. “Let me die,” I heard Ma say in her dialect. I wrote the ending then and ten days later Mom actually passed away. The book was finished and she could go.”
Sad and hilarious
‘What day is today? ‘ is a recognizable book for people who, for whatever reason, have to deal with dementia. Others are no doubt amazed by the disease process and its impact on loved ones. Rina describes everything from the first signs of forgetfulness to the experiences in care centers and finally the dying process. This results in many sad, fearful and hilarious experiences. In the first part, protagonist Francis describes her disease process, in the second part the story of daughter Stella is central.
Book presale order
‘What day is today?’ expected to be released at the end of May. The book is now for sale in presale (15 euros instead of 18.50) via www.boekenvanrina.nl /book-1 or via [email protected] † Also follow Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100074737898575 † After the release, Rina Stam will give lectures and presentations about the book and her experiences with dementia. The first agreements with care centers have already been made for this.
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