In the middle of the center of Rotterdam, in a parking lot near the canal, is a young man in a white robe. He waves his arms in greeting and points to a parking space. The robe, at least, the wide sleeves, sway with him.
Augustinus (24) stands out in the hustle and bustle of the city, between the rushing cargo bike mothers, the scooters speeding past, cars parking fast, the shoppers roaming around.
I am the odd man out
But he is used to it. Because not only his appearance is striking: his story is also different than usual. “Maybe I’m a bit of an odd man out”, he says when we settle in the annex next to the Dominican monastery.
“Or no,” he continues – he has a soft voice, speaks quietly. “I don’t think so, I am sure, I am the odd one out. My parents have struggled to follow me for a long time.”
–
–
Augustine was born Pascal – it is common for monks to be given a religious name upon entry. Pascal lived on the outskirts of Assen and grew up in the green with his brother and parents. He was a hut builder, a ravotter, a frog drone collector, an outdoor player. He ran with friends through the meadows, played football (was a goalkeeper), jumped over ditches and played hide and seek in the woods.
A place where you are not allowed to swear
The church was usually far away, except when the family went on vacation in the summer. Then the Aerssens family strolled through the languid streets of a town or village in the South of France, and a church was always visited. “For me that was a place where it was at least cool and where you were not allowed to swear with God”, Augustine laughs.
It was also a place where Pascal always fell silent. Because of the candles, the smell of the incense… Yes. That silence descended naturally in him.
–
–
Also that one time, when Pascal was 12 years old, and in Béziers, southern France, entered a church with his parents and little brother. Something happened. Suddenly. He cannot describe it, it is a feeling, but if he has to describe it, then anyway: “I realized that that church was not just a pile of stones. I became warm inside, felt happy, peaceful too, and felt : something is present here. “
He didn’t have a name for it. Now, he smiles. Certainly now.
“That ‘something’ was God.”
‘I didn’t understand the bible’
Back in the Netherlands, Pascal wrote a paper about the church. “I also decided to go to church in Assen, where we never got any further.” He went there, did not understand the Bible, began to listen and read.
–
–
The hut builder, the ravotter, the football player, also turned out to be a thinker. “I was looking for answers to what I had felt in France and longed for a certain responsibility that many teenagers don’t think about. I wanted to make a difference.”
“My parents didn’t get it, it was like I was a few steps ahead of them all the time. That was difficult. They weren’t angry, in our family there was always an open atmosphere, without judgment, but I felt their frustration. As a parent. you always want to understand your child. I was inimitable in their eyes. “
–
–
Still they did their best. They were there when Pascal was baptized on Easter Monday at the age of 15 – and he also invited all his classmates and football friends. “It’s not like I never saw it again. I went to church on Sunday, but the day before I just went to see a movie with my peers, and then we had some beers. Being religious doesn’t mean being isolated.”
It’s a bit weird
In fact, he still has that group of friends from Assen. Even though their lives are miles apart. They delved into student life, into the pub, Pascal mainly delved into books for his theology studies at Tilburg University. “For me, going to church wasn’t enough. My friends said, ‘Don’t you just want to be a pastor?’ Then I thought: yes, I actually want to, but it also made me insecure, because it was a bit strange to do something like that. I didn’t know anyone who did that. “
–
–
Moreover, at the time – Augustine does not want to avoid the subject – there was much to do about the abuse in the Catholic Church. “A lot of people were therefore not positive about the Church. Logical. This abuse should never have happened, and it should never have been covered up. But it didn’t destroy my bond with God. I had discovered it myself, regardless of the people in the church. It was unthinkable for me to leave the church. “
Don’t live alone
Pascal even toyed with the idea of living in a monastery. There was one drawback: a pastor lives alone. “I didn’t know if I wanted to, so I wanted to find out if community life in a monastery was something. I had strong prejudices about it: if you go to live there, you will disappear behind a wall and you will never return.”
Now he knows: it is not. In monasteries in Switzerland, England and the Netherlands he learned that the Dominicans – the monastic community he is with – like to go outside. To propagate the faith and to participate in life. Talk to people in schools, churches, mosques, businesses, institutions. About faith, hope, love, the environment, racism, poverty. About everything, actually.
–
–
Augustine’s days start early, the alarm goes off at 6 am – he always needs time to wake up. At 7 am the morning prayer starts in the chapel, which is attached to the monastery. In the morning light, the brothers quietly sing their prayers together. “I couldn’t sing”, he grins, “but you’ll learn that by itself.”
Eat together, pray together
After mass, the brothers have breakfast together, then some go to work – many have a religious function – others are still studying, such as Augustine. Those who are at home have lunch together and participate in the afternoon prayer. Evening prayer is at 6 am, then dinner together again.
He also learned to live by the three monastic vows of obedience, chastity, and poverty. Poverty is about property. “Everything belongs to the community,” says Augustine. He has his own room in the monastery, soberly furnished. “When my mother comes to visit, she very sweetly takes a vase, a flower, a light. To make it a bit cozier. But I prefer austerity.”
He also doesn’t have the latest iPhone, no Playstation, no flat screen. Under his habit (that’s the name of his white robe) he doesn’t wear the latest Nikes, but just: black shoes.
–
–
“All brethren look the same, and that’s how we are one.”
Unless he’s somewhere where people wear normal clothes. “Then everyone looks at me. So I don’t wear it to the supermarket, for example. People find you interesting when you wear a habit, they look at what’s in my shopping cart.”
No relationships, no sex
Incidentally, Augustine does not consider his appearance important. He wears a little gel in his hair, because ‘you have to look representative’, but he still wears clothes from a Swiss parishioner who died a few years ago – ‘really still of excellent quality’.
The principle of chastity is also one that people are curious about. “It is true that a monk does not enter into a love affair with anyone other than God,” says Augustine. “People can also ask me about sexual abstinence. Because no, we don’t have sex either. Things like that distract from my relationship with God, my neighbors and my work.”
–
–
Whether that is difficult? Not falling in love, not giving in to your lusts?
“Sometimes you are put to the test. Then I have a conversation with God. When the going gets tough, I focus on my relationship with God and on a different kind of charity.”
The other day he was on the train. The man across from him started to talk to him. His wife had died, he sought comfort, and found it with Augustine. “Listening to someone’s sorrow is love for me too. Just like we feed people who knock at the monastery here because they are hungry.”
Love is beautiful
“And, coming back to that falling in love for a moment: I’m not saying that being in love is not good. Being in love is beautiful. I’ve been it myself, and I don’t rule out it never happening again. We’re not half angels. We are people with feelings. You never lose feelings. Besides: there is nothing more beautiful than being in love. People are made for love. I just don’t do anything with it. Not in the sense of: I have sex, get married, start a family. That is a calling for other people. “
–
–
Also for his friends. Augustine regularly receives an invitation to a wedding on the doormat. Or a birth announcement. “I am happy for them and besides, we still visit each other often, they come here, or we go to the movies, to the pub, we drink a beer. My life is not only here.”
No doubt
But their lives don’t make him question his choices. “I don’t think I would be unhappy if I had a wife and a family, but I know: in this place, here, in the monastery, with God, I am even happier.”
–
–
But he also admits that living with other brothers is sometimes tough. “You sometimes get annoyed by each other’s mess: one person cleans up the dishes immediately, the other doesn’t. It’s just like roommates in a student house, or with classmates or colleagues. Some become your friends, others are further away from you. “
Enjoyed and learned
Augustine noticed this especially in the monastery in Zwolle, where the brothers were between 70 and 90 anyway. “Some had difficulty walking, did not hear well. I sat again to repeat something for the fifth time. They are not used to such young monks. It was difficult that a new generation arrived. But there is also a lot of wisdom in this men. They have experienced the war, the emerging feminism, secularisation, depilulation of society. I enjoyed and learned from those stories. “
–
–
Since this year, Augustine has joined the monastery forever. His first three monastic years were a test. After a temporary vow, and thus three years in the monastery, the eternal vow can be taken. Augustine did this last month, in this Rotterdam monastery where he moved to last year because more brothers of his generation live there.
His mother proudly posted photos of her son – dressed in a white and black habit, with his hand on the Bible – on Facebook. Augustine smiles. “I think my parents can finally follow me.”
–
–
He doubts whether he will stay in Rotterdam forever. Faith can take him to many places: there are monasteries all over the world. There is one in Jerusalem where he would like to live so that he can continue his studies, but Rome also attracts him. When he has finished his studies, he would like to be a priest in addition to being a monk. Where, how? God guides. “But life is good here for now.”
Augustine slides open the door of a large gray bookcase, opposite the chapel. Dozens of handy little Bibles appear. His favorite prayer is Psalm 84.
Even the sparrow finds a home, O lord,
The swallow lays down her babies’
“It is,” explains Augustine, “about how sparrows find a home, how swallows have a nest for their young. The message of this psalm is that everyone finds their place and comes home there.”
Just as Augustine sought and found his place.
–
–
