Wife Desperate for Solutions as husband‘s Health Spirals

A Kansas woman is reaching out for help as her husband’s health and well-being plummet following a job loss five years ago. His struggles with depression, alcohol, and smoking have intensified, leaving him in a critical state.

“My husband is miserable,” she writes. “Five years ago, he was fired from his job of more than 25 years, and the small issues he had with depression, alcohol and smoking have multiplied exponentially. He sleeps until 10 or 11 a.m.,showers only two or three times a week,rarely eats and has a drink in his hand by 4 or 5 p.m. every day.” His condition has worsened to the point where he now suffers from COPD, yet continues to smoke.

The wife describes a heartbreaking conversion: “He has lost so much weight and muscle mass, he’s barely recognizable. He seems to miss sex, but even if he made an advance, his lack of physicality would make it miserable. Anyway, I’m no longer interested. He was never an affectionate person, but now he has poor personal hygiene, his breath smells of liquor and his hands smell of tobacco.”

His physical decline has also impacted his social life. “Beyond the quiet misery of home, it’s tough for him to go out. He has a hard time with stairs, walking very far and even ordering from a restaurant. I feel he is trying to hasten his own death.I honestly feel there is nothing I can do that I haven’t already done. I’m fine, but numb.”

The advice columnist responds with empathy and practical suggestions.“Your husband seems to feel he has nothing to live for,” she writes. “Have you told him the reason you are no longer interested is that he’s no longer the person you fell in love with, and a giant step in the right direction would be for him to consult his doctor about his depression? If the answer is no, consider offering him that ‘carrot.’ If he’s willing to try to get back on track, you might feel differently.”

The columnist also offers practical advice regarding his physical health: “There are nicotine substitutes for the truly addicted, which help users inhale fewer damaging byproducts. Peopel with COPD can get some exercise with the help of supplemental oxygen, a subject that should also be discussed with his doctor.” However, she emphasizes the importance of his willingness to change: “The bottom line is your husband has to WANT to help himself. If he doesn’t, it may be time for you to locate the nearest Al-Anon group (al-anon.org/info) and attend some meetings, which will help you to recognise that his self-destructive behavior is not your responsibility and only he can help himself.”

This heartbreaking situation highlights the devastating impact of untreated depression, substance abuse, and chronic illness on individuals and their families. The advice offered underscores the importance of seeking professional help and support networks for both the individual struggling and their loved ones.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne phillips,and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

When Depression, Addiction, adn Illness Collide: Helping a Loved One in Crisis

A Kansas woman recently wrote to Dear Abby, detailing her husband’s heartbreaking downward spiral.Five years after losing his job, he’s battling severe depression, alcohol abuse, worsening COPD, and a lack of motivation to care for himself. World-Today-news.com Senior Editor, Susan Miller, spoke with Dr. Elizabeth Thompson, a psychologist specializing in addiction and family therapy, about this challenging situation and potential paths forward.



Susan Miller: Dr. thompson, this woman’s letter paints a truly devastating picture. What are some of the key takeaways you see from her description of her husband’s situation?



Dr. Elizabeth Thompson: It’s heartbreaking to read about this family’s struggle. What stands out is the complex interplay of factors: job loss, depression, substance abuse, and now a serious physical illness. These issues frequently enough feed into each other,creating a vicious cycle that can be incredibly arduous to break. The husband’s isolation and withdrawal, coupled with physical health problems, make this a especially challenging situation.



Susan Miller: The wife mentions trying various things to help,but feeling incredibly helpless. what advice would you offer someone in her position?



Dr. Elizabeth Thompson: It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and helpless. First,remember that you can’t force someone to change.You can, however, focus on what you can control: your own well-being and setting healthy boundaries. She mentioned attending Al-Anon, which is a great step. Support groups like Al-Anon provide a space to connect with others who understand,learn coping mechanisms,and ultimately prioritize your own mental and emotional health.



Susan Miller: What about directly confronting the husband about his behavior? The wife expresses her own loss of intimacy and her concerns about his self-destructive habits.



Dr. Elizabeth Thompson: Having an honest and compassionate conversation is important, but it needs to be approached carefully. Avoid accusations or ultimatums.Instead, focus on expressing your concern for his well-being and specific behaviors that worry you. Encourage him to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in depression and addiction. Remind him that recovery is possible.



Susan Miller: What about the physical health aspects – his COPD and smoking?



dr.Elizabeth Thompson: Addressing the physical health issues is crucial. Gently encourage him to see his doctor about his COPD and discuss ways to manage his smoking, perhaps with the help of nicotine replacement therapy or support groups.



Susan Miller: This situation is undeniably complex. What message of hope would you offer to both the husband struggling and the wife desperately seeking solutions?



Dr. Elizabeth Thompson: recovery is a journey,not a destination. It’s rarely linear, and there will be setbacks along the way. but even small steps towards addressing these issues can make a significant difference. Remind yourselves that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.



Remember, there are resources available – therapy, support groups, addiction treatment centers – and you don’t have to face this alone.