Before making a decision / Committing rather than making a resolution
Bullet marks. This is the signal that made me destroy the bookstore I had only imagined. I feel itchy to write a story. At that time, it seemed like they had a solemn expression with a headband wrapped around them and gave it grandiose meaning.
The first post on the Instagram bookstore account was posted on May 20, 2018. I uploaded a photo taken at Geumnato in Gwangju the day before. Geumnam-ro, where the May 18 event was held, was closed to vehicle access. It was my first time seeing the Jeonil Building standing in front of the former Jeonnam Provincial Office site. Bullet marks remaining on the exterior wall of the Jeonil Building caught my eye. The building also clearly remembered its history, so I suddenly thought, “What am I doing?”
At that time, I was feeling skeptical about my career as a journalist. I had a strong belief that the articles I wrote were not mine. The manager wrote what the company wanted. The organization selected the facts to be included in the article in the direction desired. I forcefully created an article in a direction that was contrary to my values and political orientation. “Is this why I became a reporter?” I clenched my fists while waiting for my salary.
It was a shallow yet desperate feeling that if I couldn’t give up my salary right away, I had to find an outlet to relieve my frustration. I racked my brain trying to come up with something to express the thoughts, claims, and facts that I couldn’t express in an article. Then, an idea occurred to me about the bookstore. At that time, small bookstores called neighborhood bookstores and independent bookstores were actively opening up around Seoul and Jeju Island. While touring a bookstore with a curious and curious mind, at some point, the desire to open a bookstore that resembled mine grew. I decided to open a bookstore that would reveal the political color that I cannot currently express in my writing as clearly as bullet marks.
I made a promise, but my body was really slow. As time passed, the number of excuses increased. I didn’t have time, I didn’t have money, so I was making compromises by myself, such as trying to prepare in more detail. Just as my resolve to open a bookstore was fading away, I was hit in the back of the head. One sentence in the writings of the now deceased teacher Hong Se-hwa caught my eye and brought me to my senses.
“Even if they go to college, they live a life oppressed by employment problems and are mortgaging their youth.”
Even though the context was different from the structural problem that teacher Hong Se-hwa wanted to address, I felt like my day was also mortgaged. Even though I had made such a serious resolution, I was putting off calculating realistic issues until later. The idea of opening a bookstore when conditions improved only meant that today I would have no choice but to hold on again. I had a burning thought that I would stop holding on starting today. Later, when I opened a bookstore, I felt like I would regret all the days I had opened a long time ago. Once the resolution was committed, it was the moment to move on.
My first move was to sell a motorcycle. I bought this motorcycle a few years ago because I was annoyed by traffic and parking in Seoul and wanted to ride it at least once. The review was to first raise money to use as a deposit even before signing a contract for a commercial space. It’s like blocking the escape route. After selling to stores all over Seoul, I gave the motorcycle to the one that offered the best price. It was about 60% of the regular price. The moment the motorcycle sales money was deposited into my account, I thought I had crossed the river.
When I blocked the escape route, my body moved forward on its own. Whenever I had time, I searched real estate sites and commercial rental apps. The standard for commercial districts was not commercial districts. The surrounding environment, traffic, and floating population were not important. Cheap rent came first, and then the area. I thought, even though I can’t make more money, I shouldn’t forget too much. Since I had to receive a salary, the priority for locating the bookstore was to make it easy to travel between home and work. I thought that anyone who was interested in bookstores would visit them no matter where they were. So, I went to see the shopping mall, excluding the entry of customers, and after failing once, I came across a shopping mall where the color red caught my eye.
Brunch Book
thursday
serial
