A few days ago I was in a beautiful independent bookshop in Vomero, Naples, it’s called Iocistò. It is run and animated by an association of volunteers, especially very good female volunteers. A community. Prompted by Titti Marrone‘s questions, I told an episode from my childhood which gave rise to a short text, The Broth, contained in the latest book illustrated by Beatrice Alemagna that I was presenting and for which I edited the texts. A very simple episode. My grandparents, in the countryside, made me choose a hen one day, asking me which one was my favourite. I pointed to the brunette who was a little isolated and seemed smaller than the others, small like me. The next day there was broth for lunch. “It’s from your chicken,” they all told me happily when I had already eaten half the plate. I had a fever that night. I thought my grandparents were bad people. I’ve never eaten broth again in my life, the mere smell makes me feel nauseous. What happened next I couldn’t imagine. About ten people took the floor to tell more or less the same episode. With a rabbit. With a lamb. With a pig, even. They spoke about it one after the other as if the memory of that remote event had been unlocked in that moment: with anger, again, but also with emotion and nostalgia. It was as if sharing an episode that seemed to belong to one person but instead belonged to many took us back, all together, to a moment of life that was so distant, so different from this one now and yet the common root from which we come. The countryside, grandparents in the countryside, peasant culture, life in its simple ferocity, basic needs, the relationship with children (without too much attention, let’s say, due to the traumas that obsessed us in the following years) and with animals . That world there.
We often say, I do it myself, that subsequent generations have saturated every need of their children and grandchildren with an excess of care, preventing them from experiencing the adversities they would later encounter. Which is true. But it is also true, I thought in the bookshop while observing so many people recounting an episode from fifty years ago as if it had happened yesterday, that what we experienced, in our wild childhoods, devoid of caring adults, was not painless. He left a deep trace, sometimes forgotten, sometimes buried by lives full of duties, of further and more severe sorrows. Which were a school, of course, a gym. They have perhaps strengthened the muscles of the ability to endure, react and move forward. But, also, they have left us fragile and painful somewhere else. Somewhere very well hidden, which must be the one that was reactivated when it was our turn to raise children, ours and others: not me, I won’t do that, I will take care of them, of their favorite chickens, I I will put myself in their shoes and prevent them from suffering, as far as I can. Well, maybe we missed the clutch a bit. Perhaps too much, we have protected, avoided, prevented. The most difficult thing, always, is finding the right fit.
**How does the chicken incident cited in the introduction exemplify the potential long-term impact of seemingly insignificant childhood experiences, and how can parents recognize and address these hidden traumas in their children?**
## Finding the Right Fit: A Conversation About Childhood, Trauma, and Modern Parenting
**Introduction**
Welcome to “World Today News,” everyone. Today, we’re diving deep into a compelling personal experience shared by a renowned author which sparked a powerful group discussion. It raised profound questions about childhood, generational differences, and the delicate balance of care and resilience. Joining us are [Guest 1 Name], a child psychologist specializing in intergenerational trauma, and [Guest 2 Name], a sociologist studying contemporary family dynamics. Welcome to both of you.
**Section 1: The Weight of the Past**
* The author describes a childhood event involving a chicken that left a lasting impact. [Guest 1], how common is it for seemingly isolated childhood experiences to have such a profound and lasting effect on individuals?
* The author mentions ”the traumas that obsessed us in the following years.” Can you elaborate on the nature of these traumas and their potential connection to the changing landscape of childhood?
**Section 2: The pendulum swings: From Neglect to Overprotection**
* The article suggests a shift from neglectful parenting styles of the past to today’s more protective approach. [Guest 2], how has this shift manifested in societal norms and expectations around raising children?
* Does excessive protection truly prevent children from experiencing necessary adversities, or does it create a different set of challenges?
**Section 3: Finding the “Right Fit” in Parenting**
* The author reflects on the desire to avoid the mistakes of their own upbringing while raising children. [Guest 1], how can parents navigate the complexities of learning from the past without simply replicating old patterns?
* [Guest 2], what are some potential positive and negative outcomes of aiming for a “perfect” balance between care and resilience in parenting?
**Section 4: The Multifaceted Nature of Resilience**
* The article suggests that enduring hardship can build resilience. [Guest 1], how do we reconcile this notion with the understanding that trauma can also have long-lasting negative impacts?
* Can resilience be nurtured in children without exposing them to unnecessary hardship?
**Conclusion**
We’ve touched upon some complex and deeply personal issues today. Thank you, [Guest 1] and [Guest 2] for your insightful perspectives. This conversation underscores the ongoing challenge of finding the ”right fit” in parenting, a challenge that requires continuous self-reflection, empathy, and a willingness to learn and adapt. We hope this discussion inspires further reflection and dialog on the evolving nature of childhood and family dynamics in today’s world.
