Hallo,
I would like some objective opinions from outsiders on my following problem:
At the beginning of this year I (27) met a man (38) on a dating app. At the beginning everything was great!
Little by little I noticed more and more strange behavior on his part! And I had a strange gut feeling, as if something wasn’t right! (I tried to ignore it or maybe denied it? Didn’t want to admit it and thought “you’re crazy, don’t be so paranoid”)
Well, he knew right from the start how I felt about the topic of ex-partners (=no contact, unless of course you have to, e.g. because of children) or about writing to others! (=open communication!)
I might have to say: I have no problem at all with “friendships of the opposite sex” and if you write to these friends, you don’t meet up either!
But I would like to know! Open communication, honesty, respect and trust are very important to me! I am of the opinion that if your partner wants to know who you are writing to and what it is about, then they also have the “right” to know, right? Or, in case of doubt, whether you should be allowed to read it or not? Or if the other partner has nothing to hide. Then what would be the problem? Of course this also applies to both partners!
The following situations have occurred over the course of this year:
-He basically moved in with me almost straight away! (Looking back, love bombing? “Soul mate, great love, something special, never felt that way before, marriage, family…?!) (btw. He didn’t have to pay rent, electricity, anything else with me and he also has his own apartment. He I wasn’t working all year long and I mostly paid for groceries etc. At some point he no longer had electricity in the apartment and didn’t make any effort to get to work that year!)
– Contact with EX friends via WhatsApp and Instagram
– The EX(s) or women he previously met via Instagram or dating apps were sold to me as “buddies” (What I couldn’t really believe from the start?! The distrust began!)
– At some point at the very beginning the statement came along the lines of: “How do you actually feel about this? Well, I think that in a relationship, your partner’s cell phone is taboo! So you should have trust, without trust nothing works!” (BLIND TRUST, he once said, unfortunately I no longer know the wording 100%)
– From what I noticed, he wrote to them at least regularly! (I worked the night shift! Later it also came out that he wrote me goodnight and then continued with someone else, his statement that he felt so lonely and wanted confirmation and attention wanted?!)
– 1x e.g. while watching a film sat next to me in the evening and wrote “Kumpeline” (EX)! Then quickly get rid of your phone! (I saw the profile picture etc. out of the corner of my eye at WA! Not even on purpose! And quickly get rid of my phone! Today he’s complaining to me about WA. That he wrote that in the family group! I would interpret something into it anywhere, him I would never have lied or hidden anything etc! But I have now established good contact with this EX! She didn’t even know that he had a new relationship! And he would have written to her several times this year alone, he would regret the separation!)
– In general, he often quickly put his cell phone away when I came into the room, for example!
– He wrote a lot with one (blonde) on Instagram! (Yes, shame on me, at some point I started looking at his phone from time to time! When I asked him if he wrote to other people, all he said was: ” “I don’t write to anyone” / Only you, dad, mom, sister, brother, niece, etc.)(BUT: I’ve seen it, sometimes “accidentally” out of the corner of my eye, so to speak, you can’t always avoid it! So he also lied and kept things from me?! He completely denies it and spins everything so that he is always the “victim”!)
– He also LIKED EVERY STORY for the blonde! For example, once his cell phone vibrated and he IMMEDIATELY had it in his hand! And held his other hand in front of it as a kind of “screen” and typed something?! (Supposedly his brother?! I think SHE had cost something!) He also always wrote her “🥰😍😘☺️😚💋❤️🔥” or stories commented! (He recently said that he no longer attaches any importance to emojis?! But does he get upset with me when I stop sending him hearts?)
– Anyway, he wrote a lot with her on insta! Even some things that I did (e.g. baked cakes) were sent to her with the words that he had done them! NOT A WORD ABOUT A GIRLFRIEND OR RELATIONSHIP! (Because “his private life is nobody’s business?!”)
– I often noticed that he deleted chats!
– Once I came off night shift and had such a bad feeling during the shift!
