<img data-srcset="https://www.grazia.it/content/uploads/2024/10/Paris-Hilton-500×333.jpg 479w, https://www.grazia.it/content/uploads/2024/10/Paris-Hilton-800×533.jpg 767w, https://www.grazia.it/content/uploads/2024/10/Paris-Hilton-800×533.jpg 959w, https://www.grazia.it/content/uploads/2024/10/Paris-Hilton.jpg 1279w, https://www.grazia.it/content/uploads/2024/10/Paris-Hilton.jpg " class="img-responsive artimg-auto grazia-loaded lazy" alt="Paris Hilton” itemprop=”image”/>
We’re back to talking about ADHD after businesswoman Paris Hilton recently revealed she had received this diagnosis. Grazia listened to five mothers who struggle to gain acceptance for their children who are deemed too lively or distracted.
The entrepreneur and model Paris Hilton she spoke about the abuse she suffered in an institution for “vulnerable teenagers” in her autobiography My storywhich will soon become a TV series starring actress sisters Elle and Dakota Fanning. Only in adulthood is the American heiress he discovered that he was a person with ADHD. Until a decade ago, it was difficult to diagnose and dismissed as a sign of rudeness and listlessness, which led to punishment and serious abuse. Grazia listened to five women, mothers of teenagers with this characteristic, to understand how it affects their lives.
«We realized on our own that my 9-year-old son Matias had ADHD», Angela from Vercelli tells us. «He was very impulsive. After his diagnosis, I discovered that I also have this disorder (which could have a hereditary basis, ndr) and I understood why as a child I always felt inappropriate and not very integrated. ADHD leads to low self-esteem, you feel inferior to everyone even if you work hard. I asked the parents of the other children not to put up a wall, not to hide but we happened to be mocked. Since Matias started drug therapy he has improved a lot. He learns what interests him quickly. I like about him that he is very sensitive towards other children, he intervenes if they have problems and “feels” the suffering of others.”
In addition to hypersensitivity, poor perception of danger is also a common trait in children with ADHD. Giusy, from Lecco, explains: «I thought that Gabriele was just a little restless but he often put himself in risky situations: he tried to open the door of the moving car, for example. Even the nursery school teachers had suggested a neuropsychiatric visit to me, because when he drew, he literally went outside the lines. Now that he goes to school, his disorder has a major impact on his performance. Tends to get distracted and impulsive. If he can’t do things as he should, he feels frustration and discomfort. He would need emotional gratification that isn’t there. He feels the lazy label stuck to him, my son is the thorn in the teachers’ side. I too am tired and exhausted, there is a lack of understanding. Our school model seems not very compatible with those in difficulty, if someone falls behind it’s only their problem.”
ADHD manifests itself differently depending on gender: tests show that girls have problems with anxiety and shyness while boys are more hyperactive and impulsive. This is the case experienced by Roberta, from Turin, who has two ADHD children: «With Gabriel it was more difficult, he had no inhibitions, I didn’t know what to do. Children like him are not welcome. Even families are accused of not educating them, of spoiling them. They minimize our problem and we find ourselves alone. This is why I founded a Facebook page for parents, “Diversamente Adhd”, but I notice that it is followed almost only by women. From what many people write to me, the couple often falls apart in these situations, the fathers find it more difficult to accept the response. It happened to me too. But early diagnosis is the only tool we have to understand how to deal with what is written on paper in life. If not managed, ADHD can cause serious mental disorders and self-harm in adulthood.” The psychologist and psychotherapist Sonia Mancini specialized in neurodivergence after having experienced ADHD first-hand. «When I became a mother I thought: who better than me, being a parental psychologist, can educate a child? However, my son did not meet any criteria. Even though I put into practice what I had studied for years, he disagreed on everything. I felt great frustration but then I questioned myself, I sought help from colleagues and when I was certain that he was a child with ADHD, I reread his way of being with a new awareness. I understood that my son shouldn’t feel inadequate because of something he can’t control. Those with this characteristic become oppositional because they feel treated unfairly when they do not fit into typical behavioral systems. It is a vicious circle in which condemnation is perpetuated.”
The sense of inadequacy associated with ADHD can lead to drastic decisions. «I felt forced to withdraw my son Dennis from public school», says Cinzia from Bergamo, «because it amplified his fatigue and discomfort. He couldn’t get into class out of fear. I was afraid that if I forced it, the consequences would be serious. Now we are following education in a parental reality, with the addition of tutors at our expense. We rely on these alternative communities to the school system, after having experienced a fracture with school. I also had difficulties in the summer camps where my son was not accepted. The lives of these kids are full of discrimination. It seems there is no place for them or at least we haven’t found it yet.”
Text by Alessandra De Vita
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