Anna (32) has no friends: ‘I lied that I was going to a festival with friends’

In the new documentary Anna is looking for friends shows how program maker Anna wants to celebrate her birthday in a big way. She is more tired of being alone. Anna on the production process: ‘It was a shame to put everything on the table.’

Ask lots of questions

In the documentary, Menno (a colleague with whom Anna worked a lot, but did not see her in the end, ed.) explains to Anna that she always asks so many questions, which makes her it seems that the other person is not really allowed. to ask her.

Anna says: ‘I understood that. I had developed a great talent for immediately avoiding questions that were put to me. I immediately turned the conversation, so to speak, to talk about the other person again. When Menno explained this to me, he felt a bit like he figured out my trick. From the documentary we are much closer again and see each other regularly.’

She continues: ‘By asking all these questions, I put myself under control. I also thought I was really good at asking questions. And I was always worried if the other person was having a good time. So now I try to ask fewer questions and bring something into the conversation myself.’

Consciously leaving silence

Anna now thinks she could work a little harder in a relationship. She says about this: ‘The other person is also responsible for turning the relationship into something fun. Sometimes I try to stop the conversation for a while, so that the other person can go on too.’

Expectation

In the past, Anna was very spoiled for friendship. She lived and studied with friends. Anne: ‘It was just always there. But when that went away… I have now changed my expectations and I no longer expect someone to always meet. Everyone is getting older and people are starting families or moving away.’

But what happened to all these people since then? Anna: ‘Most had children or moved and lived far away. I live in Eindhoven and a friend from the past now lives in Zeeland. As students our lives were similar, but that is no longer the case.’

No one wants to go to a party with him

Anna kept to herself for a long time that she had no friends. Something that she herself found ‘very embarrassing’. Anna: ‘For example, I didn’t have a party on New Year’s Eve and nobody wanted to celebrate Carnival.’

She continues: ‘Sometimes I lied about going to a festival. That was a real lie. But I had no one to go to a festival with. The documentary was a huge process to open up about this. That helped me, because it also made people open up to me. Now it’s just on the table.’

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Older partner

Anna has a boyfriend who never made her feel completely alone. But she doesn’t go to a festival or have a drink with him. Anna explains: ‘My boyfriend is much older, so we don’t go out to festivals or parties together. This makes my need for friends even greater. I can’t call anyone for things like that, and it made me sad.

The ‘friendship thing’ hasn’t been resolved yet

While making the documentary, Anna noticed that more people have trouble making friends or don’t have many friends. Anna: I learned that a lot. I am not alone in this, and neither are others. If you open something up and be vulnerable it can make something happen.’

It is interesting whether people sit on the couch with a piece of cake. Anna says: ‘It’s not like my ‘friend problem’ has been solved, but I feel more space in my head. The whole friendship had become such a thing for me. The documentary has made me much more open about it. The fear that I’m not nice enough is more open to discussion now.’

Anna is looking for friends will be broadcast on NPO2 on Monday, October 28 at 11:10 p.m.