Fatigue, exhaustion, discouragement and loneliness. And that is how, even pessimistically, I begin this text today, because this is the scenario at the moment. Not just mine. These words of regret are a kind of summary of what I have heard from black people who dare to question racism. Yes, asking for equality is tiring in a society in which inequality is structural, that is, it is at the base, solidified. It takes away energy to have to ask for respect and see these situations happen all the time, naturally. The crying of player Vinicius Junior at a press conference represents a lot of people. When he says “it’s exhausting, because you’re kind of alone in everything”, he makes you want to cry along with him. And it’s not a pity for him, but for all of us who know what it’s like to be diminished and not see punishments or effective changes.
Yes, I need to say that Vini’s crying touched me in a way that I barely know how to verbalize the feeling. I’m talking about a brilliant striker, but also a 23-year-old boy who doesn’t have the peace to do his job. Imagine the life of a player who can give victory to the team, but is defeated by the humiliations suffered during the match. He was supposed to be experiencing a magical moment in his career, after all, he plays in Europe (where many dream of going) and is on the Brazilian team. But the pain of suffering racism daily and feeling isolated in this fight, as his colleagues deny the existence of prejudice on the team, is consuming him to the point of almost giving up on his own dream. The athlete said at a press conference: “I’m sadder and sadder, I have less and less desire to play. But I’m going to keep fighting.”
This phrase, taken out of context, can be heard by someone who will say: “Bravo! What a fighting boy.” I, as a person who finds himself exhausted in various contexts as well, ask myself: if the sport he plays is football, and not fighting, why would he have to be in combat? Why can’t he just live his dream, his life, his career, his day, without being forced to go through unpleasant situations? Why can’t we, black men and women, just move on, live freely, and make our choices without judgement?
It is important to emphasize that not all black people feel this way. We are diverse and have very different stories and life contexts. But, whether or not we are aware of the racism that permeates us and limits our lives, it is a fact that Vini Junior’s fight is for all of us. Every time he takes a stand and makes a person question prejudiced actions, he is already one less person who will commit racist acts, or even one more person to bring the situation to debate in their social cycles. Indirectly, the lives of all black people become a little less difficult. Even those who believe they are protected against racism.
Although Vini Junior was used as an example, due to the importance of his speech and being a public person, I could have cited many cases here. One thing is a fact: the more information we have, the more racially literate we become and, consequently, the more situations of racism we see. What should be good becomes a burden, because we come to be seen as combative. And that’s when exhaustion comes. That’s when you see different treatment in the hospital, clearly depending on color, and you can’t do anything about it. Or at that moment when you see young black people failing to secure certain positions in the job market, but you are unable to intervene. Or also when we are treated less cordially in commerce and see white people being treated very well. And there, in that place, you feel too tired to ask for equality. It’s exhausting to go through daily struggles at the same time as life happens there, live. Other problems don’t stop happening just because you were humiliated by someone on the street. They are there, adding “drops” that fill the glass to the brim. And they lead us to the exhaustion I mentioned at the beginning.
Understand that I am not preaching giving up here or discouraging the fight. I’m just remembering how extremely alone we can be and failing to take care of ourselves for something that is collective. Anti-racism needs to become a flag for more people. This text is not intended to suggest that black people “surrender”. It’s a cry for help to the white people around us. It’s to say that we don’t need to cry, like Vini Junior, despite wanting to, so that people around us understand that it’s not easy to deal with injustice. It’s not easy to be wronged, do your best and know that making mistakes is not an option for people like us. It’s just to say that it’s tiring, exhausting, discouraging and lonely. The rest is more of the same.
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2024-03-29 06:00:00
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