All parents want to have a happy family life. However, bringing joy into the home is not so easy. Stressful work, omnipresent screens, competitive environment, anxiety-provoking news… Daily life is not always conducive to happiness… How can we encourage family harmony? What are the keys to living happily together?
“In my opinion, happiness is a path made up of all the small and big pleasures of life, all these little moments that we share with our children and which do us good, which warm our hearts…”underlines Véronique Maciejak, trainer in adult/child communication, author of the book I’m getting into positive education (Eyrolles edition) and creator of the podcast “ ça file good à la maison”. You still need to know how to recognize and appreciate them! If the parent is capable of being amazed, if he shares his enthusiasm with the family, he will show the way to happiness.
Conversely, if he is negative, spends his time complaining and does not know how to manage his negative emotions, his child will have difficulty viewing life with confidence and will be less gifted for happiness. “The child learns through the value of example, through mimicry. If his parent is happy, then he will be happy too”adds the trainer.
Promote individual happiness
To bring joy to your family, you must above all promote individual happiness. Everyone’s needs and limits must be respected. No one should forget themselves for the benefit of others. Some parents think they have to sacrifice themselves completely for their child, but they are wrong! How could a parent who does not take care of himself have the mind available to give his children a taste of happiness? To be happy as a family, you need to be able to recharge your batteries by regularly taking breaks and moments of pleasure.
Véronique Maciejak explains: “If you want to bring happiness to your family, it starts by being fulfilled as an adult. This is how you can give the best to your children. On the other hand, it’s not about being a perfect parent! This balance is achieved all the more easily as everyone makes their contribution to family life. This can be the older brother who helps his younger brother with his homework, the teenager who helps his parent with his communication on social networks, participation in household chores… So, everyone has their place in the family, everyone has a role to play and feels useful. Of course, we ensure that this contribution is not necessarily just a constraint, and that it makes the child want to invest in his family.”
Develop communication
Cultivating happiness in the family requires good communication. The parent must be able to listen to their child, to welcome their emotions whatever they may be. He is there to teach him how to manage them, to put things into perspective and to bounce back, and not to judge him and add stress to him. “When the child returns home, he must have the feeling that he has found his cocoon and feel safe, comfortable to speak and empty what is on his heart”recommends Véronique Maciejak. “When I was little, I understood that I shouldn’t talk about my problems at home, my father couldn’t stand it, and I would get argued with. With my children, I am very vigilant and I try not to repeat the pattern. In general, they have small problems, but which, on their scale, can seem insurmountable. I tell myself that I am here to reassure them, and try to find a solution with them”testifies Yann, 44 years old, father of two children aged 8 and 12.
Managing household chores, sharing the bathroom, choosing TV programs… cohabitation problems are also common, and must be resolved. If we sweep them under the rug, we create resentment, which is not conducive to a peaceful atmosphere. Everyone must feel free to express themselves without a power struggle establishing itself. “Authenticity and honesty are essential: everyone must dare to say if there is a problem, the ideal being to seek solutions together. As a family, we pose the problem in a factual manner. Everyone tries to offer a respectful and helpful solution. Then we vote for the one that seems feasible. The more we get into the habit of operating like this, the more children will develop their creativity and quickly find solutions, and the more they will be able to solve their problems among themselves.”underlines Véronique Maciejak.
Have fun and create good memories
As a parent, we often tend to focus on school, which we weigh down with anxiety. If the subject must sometimes be discussed, it tends to focus all the family attention. If you want to bring happiness to your family, you must, on the contrary, seek to reduce anxiety, bring a little lightness, encourage moments of joy and wonder. “As a family, you have to play, have fun, do activities together. And also talk about it again. This is how we maintain happiness. The more we remember the fun times spent as a family, the more they become anchored and create joy. We can create a photo corner of the good memories shared, change them regularly… We also set up rituals specific to the family, ensuring that they please everyone: the trip to the market on Saturday morning, the chicken fries at Sunday lunchtime, Sunday evening aperitif in front of the TV… We spend happy moments together, and we create good memories.” “In my opinion, rituals are markers that make us feel part of a family. For example, when my children were little, on every family trip, we made up riddles, it became unavoidable. It wasn’t an extraordinary activity, but we had fun, and the recurrence means that they still talk to us about it”, reports Delphine, 48 years old, mother of three children. We also organize special one-on-one time with each of our children, around an activity that they enjoy. The child feels unique and valued. This promotes confidences and strengthens bonds. “With teenagers, you have to know how to adapt. They don’t want to be with us as much, so we take advantage of every opportunity to spend time together. A journey, time to help with their school work… And we continue to offer them moments for two, adapted to their age: shopping, a small restaurant, choosing a costume for Halloween evening…”warns the trainer.
Learn to support yourself
Being happy as a family also means learning to show solidarity and care for each other. “In siblings, we don’t have to get along. There’s no point in forcing relationships that you don’t want to be. But we have to respect each other, and be there for each other. We keep up to date with the important moments we are experiencing, whether they are happy or complicated. It is also an opportunity to get together to celebrate a joyful event, whatever it may be: a good grade in a subject in which we have difficulty, obtaining the baccalaureate, the driving license… Individual happiness is is celebrated in the plural, with the whole family”underlines Véronique Maciejak.
Gratitude is also important: learning to recognize what others do well, to say thank you… So many attitudes that help to unite a family. “When my children were little, once a week we had a little meeting to thank each other for the nice little things we had done for others, even if they were trivial. The little brother thanked his big sister for playing with him. The older one thanked her brother for leaving her alone during her homework. The first time, they didn’t really know what to say. Then very quickly, it came naturally to them, they loved it!”, remembers Alexandra, mother of two children. Whatever the case, it must be said that living in harmony as a family is a goal that is not always easy to achieve in practice. But you shouldn’t get discouraged or feel guilty. And tell yourself that this learning will give the child a good foundation for his life in society.
2023-12-31 15:03:33
#Cultivating #family #happiness
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