– There is nothing wrong with wanting something non-committal, but be honest. If you’re just looking for sex, say so. If you just want to survey the terrain, say so. Don’t feel like you have to go a little thick to get what you want. Don’t sail under a false flag.
This is what Hilde Nordlund (41) says to Dagbladet.
The single Oslo woman is fed up with what she calls “fuckboys at 40”.
The doctor got a backstab
Gets you hooked
A so-called fuckboy is a term used for boys – or men – who are only looking for sex, but who like to pretend that they are interested in something more.
– I want to describe a fuckboy like they do in Urban Dictionary – as someone who lies around, pretends to want something else, gets you on the hook, and then likes to ghost you or dump you suddenly after you’ve got what you were looking for, says Nordlund.
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– Can’t use this excuse
It was in a chronicle in The online newspaper that the 41-year-old lashed out at well-grown fuckboys on Monday.
Nordlund, who usually works as head of public relations and communication in HR Norway, wrote that she can understand that men in their 20s behave like this, but…
“They are young and inexperienced. They do not fully see the consequences of what they do. After all, our brain is not fully developed until we are 25 years old, and it is the frontal lobe, which, among other things, controls and judges our impulse control, which is the latest to develop. This excuse cannot be used by men in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Yet many of them act like fuckboys,” she wrote.
Got a shock phone call: – In the middle of the face
– Widespread problem
Nordlund is behind the new podcast “Datingmysteriet fra A til Å”, where this week she talks to psychologist and dating researcher Marius Stavang at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU).
– It was when I talked to him that I started to think more about this type of behavior and that it is classic what we call fuckboys. It struck me how incredibly poorly done it really is, she says.
Marius Stavang says the following to Dagbladet:
– Caricatured, all men are fuckboys – in that they desire casual sex to a greater extent than women. Men want more sex partners, to have sex earlier, without relational investment and emotional connection. We are talking about instincts here.
He claims that men and women are in a conflict of interest when it comes to casual sex.
– To overcome this conflict of interest, the man is willing to mislead the woman that he is interested in a relationship with her, he explains.
DATING RESEARCHER: Marius Stavang. Photo: Caroline Boman Gender Show more
Cut off contact
Hilde Nordlund says that a few months ago she dated a man who she believes had dishonest intentions.
She says the relationship began with him showering her with interest – then cutting off contact completely.
These two phenomena are called respectively love bombing and ghosting.
– I experienced this this summer, with someone who suddenly changed his level of interest. Who seemed genuinely interested. It started with lovebombing, and ended with ghosting, she says.
Drank too much water – died
Women too
Nordlund believes that it is not only men who can be as dishonest as they want.
– Women can do that too. And that’s not okay either. I think the dating market would have been easier to navigate if we were all right with each other.
She says that it is important for her to point out that it does not always have to be about dishonest intentions.
– Some relationships do end, sometimes interest disappears. But then you are honest about it. The typical fuckboy tendencies are that they may tell a few lies during the dating and that the relationship comes to an abrupt end without any particularly good explanation, she explains.
Earning fat – just one problem
Sile bort «fuckboys»
Dating researcher Stavang tells Dagbladet that there is no foolproof way to filter out men who just want sex.
– … but if she waits to have sex, then the “fuckboys” may consider the investment so high that it is not worth it. At the same time, the man who is interested in something more appears.
– What do you want to say to fuckboys, Hilde Nordlund?
– It’s really poorly done not to be honest. It’s not all right to play with other people’s feelings to make yourself feel better. Stop it.
2023-12-01 20:45:49
#fuckboys #Stop
