Anecdotes prepared from the magazine “Vakara Ziņas”.
Blonde dialogue. – You know, I want to go to Egypt this year… – Wow! Do you know how much it can cost you?! – Aha, it will take about three hours.
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The customer of the restaurant asks the waiter: – Do you have beef jerky? – No, but we can at least kick the chicken for your pleasure…
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– Love, don’t love, love, don’t love… – Doctor, leave my teeth alone!
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– Doctor, will I be able to dance in ballet after the operation? – Yes of course. – Are you sure? – Believe me, I have been performing such operations for 20 years, I can guarantee you that. – Wow, I have never danced in ballet, but now I will finally be able to.
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A mother and her son ride a bus. The son complains: – Insanity, how stuffy the air is here and how crowded! – If I understand correctly, in the “Essential” club you call it a great atmosphere…
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To the doctor: – Do you have any complaints about your ears? – Have got. Getting in the way of putting on a sweater.
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The teacher tells the children about pets in class. At the end of the lesson, she checks whether the children understood everything well. – Peter, why do we need sheep? – To give people wool. – Right. Annie, why do we need chickens? – To lay eggs. – Right. Why do we need cows? – To teach us all kinds of nonsense!
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In the market: – Chernobyl apples, come and buy! – Aunt, who will buy those apples for you? – Many buy. One for the wife, the other for the mother-in-law.
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Waiter – to the customer: – I hasten to inform you of pleasant news. I was just in the kitchen and I was told that you were right, I did not bring you soup, but samazges…
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Two men enter the restaurant, sit down at the table and say to the waiter: – We would like pickled elephant eyebrows with buckwheat. – African or Indian elephant eyebrows? – asks the waiter calmly. – Give Indian. The waiter leaves, but returns after a few minutes and says: – Sorry, unfortunately we will not be able to fulfill your order. – Why? – Buckwheat is over.
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The teacher complains to the student’s father: – Your son called me a prostitute! Dad remains angry and curses: – The teacher is teaching you? Teaches. Taking care of you? Cares. Then what business does she do in her spare time!!!
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Exam. The teacher asks: – Question for five points: what is voltage measured with? Okay, question four: is voltage measured with an ammeter, voltmeter, or ohmmeter? Clearly, question three: isn’t the voltage measured with a voltmeter?
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Acquaintances who have not seen each other for a long time met: – They say that you now have your own business. What do you really do? – I sell women’s toiletries. – And how – successfully? – Super! The wife still has a few things left, but the mother-in-law is sitting at home almost naked.
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I am a representative of the oldest profession in the world. I sleep for money. My occupation is a night watchman.
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Doctor, my dick is like a rabid prairie horse. I tell him to stand, but he takes it and does not stand.
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Student dialogue: – Where are you running to? – To the university – I found out that there will be a colloquium today! – What is that? – I don’t know, but I took more condoms just in case…
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Boss: – If you want to work in this company, young man, you must thoroughly memorize two things, the first of which is cleanliness… Did you wipe your feet on the rug before entering? The new employee: – Yes, of course, boss! Boss: – And the second thing… We are very intolerant of dishonest people. There is no carpet at the door!
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A scared boxer tells his blonde girlfriend about his life. After a couple of hours, she finally speaks: – Listen, have you traveled anywhere besides Knockdown and Knockout?
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In a bar: Some man: – Girl, are you dancing? Girl: – Yes! And what? Man: – Thank God, I already thought you were getting electrocuted!
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Two friends meet: – Where do you work? – Nowhere at all. – So what are you doing? – Nothing, I was chasing fools. – Yes, cool job for you. – It’s cool, it’s cool, but the competition is big.
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Connect me to the director! – Who is looking for him? – Wife. – Aha, how come, you all say that!
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The blonde passenger looks at the flashing light at the end of the plane’s wing for a long time, then calls the flight attendant and says: – Remind the captain that he forgot to turn off the right turn!
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Jānītis and Maijiņa are reading a zoology textbook and are actively arguing about something, mentioning their grandmother every now and then. The grandmother, happy that the children consider her a sufficiently knowledgeable and authoritative person, goes to the little ones and offers to explain the controversial issue. To which Jānītis asks: – Old lady, do you have your period? – Not at all, Jānit. – (To Maijin) Well, I did say that she is a male!
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The car inspector came after the call and saw the overturned car, next to which, nervously smoking a pipe, is a discolored woman. – So how did it happen to you? – Well, I’m driving calmly, I’m not touching anyone, suddenly I see – a Christmas tree, I’m on the right, but there’s a Christmas tree again, I’m on the left – again a Christmas tree, I’m on the right – again a Christmas tree, I’m on the left – again a Christmas tree… well, I overturned. – What are you, are you completely crazy? There is not a single tree within a 10 km radius! – But I saw!!! Here the other car inspector looks at her car and calls: – Fool, you have an air freshener hanging on the mirror!!!!
2023-11-18 17:46:55
#teacher #complains #students #father.. #anecdotes #cheerful #mind
