“Going out together” sounds like a romantic term from the old days. Today’s youth have a newer label: talking stage. This stage takes place between getting to know someone and making it official, and can involve talking or exchanging instant messages for days – even months.
The goal of this stage is to have a chance to get to know someone before committing to and getting into a relationship with them.
However, when seen from their uploads on social media, young people around the world overwhelmed with this phase of modern dating. They feel that the process is protracted, repetitive, and emotionally draining.
Is this something new? And how can a potential partner make the most of it?
Talking stage: new label, old practice
Talking stage is not a new phenomenon, but a new form of what we know as traditional “dating” (courting).
Courting involves the process of getting to know, establishing and establishing intimacy with someone, often over a long period of time, before committing to marriage.
However, not all relationships start with a phase courting or talking, some relationships start with brief introductions then develop into dating. This is because of the way people communicate romantic interest and initiating intimacy depend on personality and social context.
Nevertheless, the global pandemic has changed the way people date. People who previously may not choose to date online onlinestart looking for dates through the internet or sometimes do long-distance dating through screens.
Dating using the app online spread the love by exchanging, matching, and instant messaging – often with multiple partners and in large numbers.
Researchers refer to this period as “jagged love”, namely love that manifests cyclically, as participants turn to apps in search of the security it offers in times of global uncertainty; and found that this period did not lead to traditional courtship and romance. People in this context switch partners quickly, seek meaningful relationships and are often disappointed with the results. In this jagged love context, there is a lot of potential for sabotage the relationship even before the relationship started.
There is a significant difference between talking stage with traditional courtship. Today, the initial conversation is accelerated by the abundance of publicly available information about a person on the internet. So, for some, talking or texting might feel like an unnecessary or tedious step, considering what we can get from Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
However, talking stage could be a way to strengthen fragile human bonds.
Are you stuck in’situationship’?
In forum-forum online, young people admit to feeling confused about how long to talk to someone before moving on to the next stage, or what to discuss with a potential partner. So the approach phase may seem ambiguous, stressful, or anxiety-inducing.
Young people are also confused about whether they are in a “situationship” – a relationship status with an ambiguous definition, which is used to describe an intimate relationship that is not committed but full of feelings. This one is similar to recently appeared labels like “friends with benefits”, “booty calls”, or one night love (ONS).
Being in a stage or relationship that is not clear can affect mental health and well-being. Relationship difficulties is one of the most prominent reasons why people seek counseling and is a significant contributor to anxiety, depression, and thoughts of self-harm. Counseling services in Australia report the most common reasons to seek counseling include relationship conflicts, inadequate interpersonal skills to initiate or build significant relationships, family violence, and sexual violence.
The fear of being hurt, abandoned, rejected, or trapped can be barrier to form and maintain healthy long-term intimate relationships.
Being in a committed romantic relationship reduce occurrence of mental health problems when compared to ambiguous or casual relationships. Here’s why my research focuses on increasing people’s skills and confidence to navigate intimate partnerships.
Good practice
Many people no relationship skills such as insight, flexibility, maturity, confidence, effective communication, and how to manage expectations. The ability to improve relationship skills is a powerful way to measure relationship satisfaction and long-term relationship success.
Figuring out how to navigate intimate relationships, by communicating needs honestly and creating opportunities to develop and explore a sense of self, can help people feel more confident.
So, talking stage is an opportunity to get to know potential partners, explore compatibility and improve relationship skills.
There is the approaching stage and then there is the PDKT stage…
Pexels/Pavel Danilyuk, CC BY
5 ways to create talking stage better
It can be a little confusing, but there are several ways to make the approach phase (PDKT) more rewarding than stressful:
1) Open communication – be sure to express your needs and expectations, and be willing to understand the needs and expectations of others in an honest way
2) Explore matches – the talk stage is an opportunity to explore whether a potential partner shares your interests, values, and morals
3) Define relationships – this stage is an opportunity to discuss potential relationships and the type of romantic relationship expected. It is important for all parties to understand what the relationship that is being built is and where it is headed
4) Acceptance – this insightful step involves understanding that the talk or “situation” stage may fail and not turn into a relationship (which may be painful) and that this is a natural part of the process
5) Set boundaries – self-protection and security is a basic human instinct. So it’s important to know how to navigate this process in a healthy way by setting boundaries for intimate relationships early on.
Humans are programmed to seek intimate relationships since birth. Modern times may have changed the way we pursue and communicate love, but this innate instinct remains unbreakable and talking stage can be an important part of the quest.
Rahma Sekar Andini of Malang State University translated this article from English
2023-09-05 07:12:40
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