Mark Rutte’s Eventful Week: From Saabs to Murder Bikes to a Fallen Cabinet

Of course it would have looked much nicer if Rutte hadn’t gone to the king in that old Saabje last week, but on a fast VanMoof. And it would have been absolutely wonderful if that gaudy yuppy bike had stopped halfway up the driveway and Mark had had to walk the last bit to the palace. How did he get back home? With an Uber arranged by Neelie Kroes. That company transports Mark for free for the rest of his life. Thanks for all the tax privileges.

Wonderful week by the way. That creepy murder bike factory almost went bankrupt, the cabinet has kicked itself out, Rutte is rotten and half political The Hague is diligently looking for the emergency exit. They have already called Ajax to ask whether the ex-champion still has an empty player bus to transport the whole mess.

Shall we talk about those bikes first? Maybe after the demise of VanMoof it will be safe again in my town where battery boomers on their half mopeds have been terrorizing the center and South for a few years now by coming to shoot from side streets like Wapse wolves. Preferably on the phone with their ex with whom they discuss in a high tone whether they want their alimony in bitcoins. When the murder bikes are gone, it will be quiet again in the emergency department at the hospitals and the national excess mortality will also be over.

And the cabinet has fallen. To the family reunification of a few thousand refugees. I read about this in a newspaper that also stated that the Dutch parking spaces are too narrow these days. Because our cars have become too wide over the years. Wonderful news. With a friend of mine, the obese cat no longer fits through the cat flap. Does this have anything to do with the asylum seekers problem? Yes. What then? You can think of that yourself.

But the brightest news of the week was the announcement of Rutte’s departure. Magistral of Mark to pack your bags when the whole mess wants to lynch you and flick out of your Turret. D66 had already sharpened the knives. And then the slime started. Really from all sides. Mark was great. They lacked gold, myrrh, and frankincense to praise and praise the man. Groningen was one thing, the Supplementary Affair is almost finished, the nitrogen problem is solving itself, the climate is going well and the housing shortage is peanuts. Why so gentle all of a sudden? I think in the hope that if he stays they can go to government with him again. Will Mark stay then? Of course there is that chance. He may have forgotten in four months what he promised in July. No active memory anymore.

I thought Mark’s departure was sad for Wopke. He also said that he was going to look for a position elsewhere, but no one paid a single syllable of attention to it. He leaves like an accomplished Captain Schettino. He is the first to leave the sinking CDA ship. And the sad sailor duo Hugo and Marnix go along with him cheerfully.

Meanwhile, the massacre continues. Kaag bullied away and that is downright sad. If serious threats to politicians have this as a result, then as a country you are very close to the well.

My political hope is Omtzigt. I beg him to indeed start a party and to form a government together with the ladies Leijten and Moorman. From my part supplemented by the VVD. And a solid position for party leader Dilan Yesilgöz. Why? Because she can become a refugee magnet. Once came this way in a rickety boat and now an important ministerial post!

That seems to me to be a good reason for thousands of refugees to paddle here. Like a kind of hope. This VVD lady as a wonderful example. That she will be hung on thousands of posters in poor countries.

Come to the Netherlands. That’s where your opportunities lie. Example of the ultimate hope. Why I want this? That’s called humour. The Dutch right understands that. That’s the nice thing about VVD people. You can laugh a lot with that.

A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper on July 15, 2023.
2023-07-15 00:00:00


#Column #Refugee #Magnet