“I recently came across a social media post from a man who figured out a way to keep the honeymoon phase with his wife of 25+ years. They came up with the 2-2-2 rule of love before they got married and have stuck to it ever since (…) I thought what they were suggesting made some sense, I mentioned it to my partner and we both agreed we should give it a try. I’m sharing this because maybe it will help others too,” writes an anonymous user in a post on the Reddit social network.
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This same post went viral until reaching couples therapy offices, being recommended in TiK Tok videos and even being mentioned by Ryan Reynolds -American actor who embodies the Dead Pool superhero in Marvel movies- as the “Secret recipe” used with his wife Blake Lively -renowned film, television actress and model-, to ensure that their marriage of more than 10 years does not lose its spark and remains as passionate as the couple of Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in the hit romantic film “The Notebook.”
The idea behind this rule is to strengthen the relationship thanks to planning quality time as a couple without interruptions that prevent the reconnection of lovers and the emergence of their feelings. What does it consist of?
– Every two weeks the couple should have a date alone.
– Every two months you have to make a weekend getaway alone.
– Every two years you must take a week of vacation alone.
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Anthony Trucks, a former star of the United States National Football League (NFL), is another of the famous people who has publicly revealed using this method in his marriage. “It was in 2016 that I came across this theory that spending a lot of time with another person brings you closer psychologically,” Trucks told Fox News Digital. “If something is a priority for you, you have to spend time on it.”
The Trucks make romantic dates a priority in their day to day, as well as they organize to go on trips together frequently. “We are not waiting for everything to be ruined,” said Trucks, while stressing: “If we did not allocate time to spend as a couple, we would make the mistake of getting lost in schedules, work and the activities that our children do.”
In agreement with this, the psychoanalyst and marriage counselor Kimberly Hershenson said in conversation with Fox News that for her this love rule “is excellent.” “Professionals recommend that in order to have a good marriage, you do have to spend time together,” she said. In addition, she said that she has had to attend to couples who were on the verge of divorce in her office and who improved the bond by using the 2-2-2 rule.
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“It’s also the case that when couples are aware of the stress the other person may be experiencing, they gain a deeper understanding and empathy,” Hershenson added.
However, he emphasized that in the time alone that the couple spends, they should not spend it talking about their problems, but should prioritize quality time together to enjoy. “It’s just as important to have fun and relax with a good meal or a movie,” she said.
The rule states that every two years couples must take a week of vacation alone.
The effectiveness and credibility of this method does not lie only on the Internet. Groups of professionals who study human ties have delved into how a couple can do to strengthen their relationship and have reached conclusions similar to those mentioned above. Specifically, a study conducted by researchers at the University of South Carolina in the United States compared two control groups in which they observed, on the one hand, couples who spent quality time together doing activities they enjoyed; and on the other, married couples who shared little time alone and when they did have a type of negative communication. As a result, it was found that couples who did not have time alone had a tendency to be dissatisfied with their relationship.
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Conversely, those who spent a greater proportion of their time together reported greater satisfaction with the bond and said they perceived more positive qualities and a greater closeness with their partners.
How to know if the link is insurmountable?
The doctor and clinical sexologist, Sandra Magirena (MN 65130) explains that something fundamental to discern is that lust is not the same as love. “For a couple to have less passion -understood as extreme ecstasy- than at the beginning, it is almost natural since this in the bonds decreases as time goes by”, she says. Likewise, she points out that what is remarkable is realizing if there is still love; “Love can last a lifetime and it has nothing to do with what we know as lust or passion,” explains the specialist.
Subsequently, Magirena reveals that it is common in couples where the stage of passion of the first years has already passed and there is no basis of love and affection, that at the moment of crisis, the bond breaks and that even goes beyond the love to hate “This is seen a lot in couples who make the decision to live together or to put together a project together at the stage in which the initial crush predominates,” she says.
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revive love
The professional suggests that in cases where there is still a modicum of hope, it is useful to propose to recover privacy, private spaces and share the guidelines for moments of enjoyment and pleasure encounters. “This methodology of spending quality time for the couple is used a lot by sex therapists to recreate the bond. So, for example, one of the parties spends a week generating an intimate meeting for the couple without the other knowing and the other organizes a romantic dinner on another occasion, ”she says.
Experts point out the importance of recovering intimacy between the couple through actions that each one performs for the other.
In tune with the theme of bonds, the New York psychologist John Gottman -one of the leading experts in therapy and couple relationships- claims to be able to predict, with a high success rate, whether or not a couple will continue together for a long time. . The expert advises that in case of going through periods of crisis or conflict and wanting to get out of these, the parties should take into account the following:
Learn to repair and leave the argument. Happy couples have learned how to get out of an argument before it gets completely out of hand. According to Gottman, some examples to rescue this situation can be: use humor; back down/give in the fight or offer appreciation for the other and their feelings.
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Focus on the positives. When problems arise in a happy marriage, Gottman suggests that both parties place more emphasis on the positive. And he cites the example of a couple who, when talking about their relationship, say: “we laugh a lot” instead of “we never had fun”. “A good couple must have a climate of positivity. I advise people to regularly make deposits into their partner’s emotional bank accounts,” he reveals.
More news of your interest:
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– Why are you jealous? This reason can trigger them in the brain
– Romeo and Juliet Syndrome: What it is and how it affects relationships
THE NATION (Argentina) / GDA
2023-06-29 23:57:56
#Problems #relationship #method #reignite #passion
