My Monthly Contribution to My Mother Drives My Husband to Anger: A Relationship Dilemma

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Her husband Remco does not like the fact that Roos transfers an amount to her mother’s account every month. Roos thinks very differently about that. But now that she knows that her mother spends the monthly contribution on cake, flowers and the caterer, Roos feels wet. “After an afternoon of mothers, Remco and I got into a big fight in the car.”

As an only child, Roos has always had a good and warm relationship with her mother. “My father died young, so my mother and I were left with just the two of us. That has forged a bond for life. Assuming my mother was never my girlfriend, she was my mother. And we had fun.” Her mother never had another man; Roos her father was her true and only love. “Of course I sometimes regretted that, but I also thought it was something very romantic and nice.” Roos found it difficult but inevitable to leave home and leave her mother alone.

We have no money worries

Just like her father, Remco is her first and great love for her mother. “Remco and I are made for each other. We have a nice life together and have a rich and social life. We don’t have children and we don’t want to. The world we live on is already full enough and we hold our breath for the future of the earth and humanity.” The couple regularly goes on hiking holidays, camps at nature campsites and enjoys life. “We both have a decent income. Remco has his own company and I work for a publisher four days a week. We don’t have to worry about money and that’s nice. Especially now that everything has become so expensive and energy prices are skyrocketing.”

It’s very cold at Mom’s place

Many friends and acquaintances are forced to make their living. “We find out that some friends just don’t have the money to go out for dinner or to go to the pub. Remco and I don’t mind paying for others now and then, but it’s much more fun to meet up at each other’s house. Let’s all bring something to eat and drink and have a good time too. No problem.” Who does get into trouble is Roos’ mother. At first, Roos didn’t notice that, until it got very cold in her parental home. “My mother turned off the heating to save money. She had received a hefty bill from the garage for her car and was out of money. Harrowing!”

She buys cakes from the monthly contribution

At first Roos did not want her mother to know anything about it. She did not want her daughter to transfer an amount to her account every month. “She may not want that much, but I will not leave my mother out in the cold. Moreover, I like to help my mother and it is no problem for me to help her financially every month. “The fact that her mother uses the money to buy expensive flowers, cake and other luxury items was not quite what Roos had in mind either. “Every week when I come to her for coffee, she has pastries from the best confectioner. She doesn’t have to do that for me, but she insists.”

It does not feel right

When Remco discovers that his wife gives her mother a monthly financial injection, he finds this strange. “He saw the charge on a bank statement I had left lying around and asked why I was transferring money to my mother. I explained that she is not well off at the moment and that a few unexpected expenses are killing her. Remco doesn’t like it. He thinks it’s fine that I want to help my mother, but doesn’t think I should do it with money. “Buy her food, take a bill from her and pay it, but don’t transfer an amount to her every time. That doesn’t feel right,” he says.

I don’t look at him for a while

Remco goes crazy after a visit to Roos’s mother on Sunday. “Every now and then Remco goes with me to my mother. My mother is very fond of him and always enjoys his presence. Also that Sunday, now a few weeks ago. When we came to her, there was a large bunch of flowers on the table, she had bought pastries again and she had ordered lunch from a caterer. I avoided Remco’s looks because I knew exactly what they looked like.” Rose was right. In the car, Remco argues about the monthly contribution. “Was I aware that my mother bought luxury things with my money instead of spending the money better and wiser. Did I see that bunch of flowers? What do you think it costs? Well, and deep in my heart I know that Remco is right. But I also give my mother something nice and cozy.”

He’s still furious

Who cares what her mother spends the money on? If flowers make her happy, then she should buy them. “I just want to help my mother. And I had noticed before that she spends it on things she doesn’t really need, but I don’t think that’s a problem. Of course I knew Remco would go crazy about that and that’s why I didn’t tell him all about it. Remco is still furious and insists that I stop transferring the money. But I don’t want that. My mom knows I can afford it and she’s always been good to me. Why shouldn’t I help her now?

What do you think? Is Remco right and isn’t his mother-in-law supposed to buy luxury items from the monthly contribution that her daughter transfers to her? Or do you think Roos should let her mother know what she spends on? Have your say in the comments below this article!

Photo by cottonbro studio via Pexels

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