A teacher walks through the shadowy and silent corridors. Killer body, baby bump on forehead, side parted hair lying loose.
Till January 17, 1965, Ottapalam College had such a physics teacher. She hugged her mother with a slight fever and went to bed, the next morning she went to the bathroom outside the house in front of her chanting Nama in front of the lamp. They were 34 years old when they leaned against the door, untied the sari that Eran had brought to change, tied it to the vulture, climbed into the bucket and went to their deaths.
Rajalakshmi was born on June 2, 1930, as the fifth daughter of Kuttimalu Amma and Achyutamenon in Amayangottu family home in Thekkat near Cherpulassery. After completing her graduation in physics from Maharaja’s College and post-graduation from Banaras Hindu University, she went into teaching and was quite a philanthropist. She was not attached to luxury or fame. Rajalakshmi would have celebrated her 93rd birthday today if she had lived.
Suicide often occurs among literary geniuses because of living with a polluted mind. People who experience inner anguish beyond the psychological conflicts seen in a normal person often turn their lives towards creative works. Therefore, history often repeats a void or a confusion that occurs when searching for the reasons for their death. The reading that follows their return is of great value to those individuals. After being gone, the world sees their greatness, which was not seen and known for so long, and despairingly says that if they had lived, there would have been so many more beautiful creations. Rajalakshmi is one such person.
She devoted ten years of her 34 years of life to writing literature. Rajalakshmi’s contribution to Malayalam literature is one long story, seven short stories, one prose poem and three novels. Literary writer who wrote very little in ten years. Even then, he won the Kerala Sahitya Akademi Award in 1968 for his novel ‘Oru Nishya and Kure Nizhalum’. The novel ‘Nhaanenna Bhavam’ and the long story ‘Makal’ left a clear mark in the history of Malayalam literature.
In all the works of Rajalakshmi, who was an introvert, we see characters with soul. Lonely and melancholy green men. Those who do not hesitate to express their feelings and concerns. All those characters who know the pain of yesterday, the futility of today and the meaninglessness of tomorrow are all the opposites of Rajalakshmi herself.
Neeraja Chakraborty in the story ‘Aatmahatya’ is a character whose paranoia and longing are evident just like Rajalakshmi. Neeraja with pearly white complexion, copper hair and cat eyes. She tells the story of depression in the dark and the walk. She has a slim body and round handwriting. Rejected by her husband, Nirmala is a lonely mother in the story ‘Parajita’, who tortures herself to death when she becomes an inner wretch. Mother of 7-year-old Rajeev, who would have been named Chitra if he had been born a girl. Like Rajalakshmi, they are brilliant in studies. Eight years after her marriage, she came to do research in marine biology. She is devastated when she realizes that she is no one for her son, who keeps sending letters from the hostel. All the characters of Rajalakshmi feel that they are far away from the people.
Rama, a teacher in the story ‘Map’, who walks around hiding her face with an umbrella, believes that the most embarrassing pronoun is ‘I’. Anyone who has had to go through heart-burning experiences seeking solace can understand Rama. When the pain that lies dormant within him is awakened by a student, Rama sets off in search of the shores of solitude; Like Rajalakshmi.
In Rajalakshmi we see not only the shadow of fear but also the stillness of sacrifice. Sarada entered the Reader’s book stall clutching a small bag with three months’ worth of notes, but she was helpless despite seeing various green, white and red books around her. Unable to take the book worth 12 rupees, when he finally tries to escape by asking if there is Brothers Karamazov, he has to pray that he will not see it because of the hunger at home. Called Charu, she has to face her lover’s ‘don’t you love me’ question with silence and finally breaks down because of this unrelenting world.
All the characters of Rajalakshmi love life. Seeking refuge from loneliness, they travel to the bitterness of life. When Rajalakshmi left with wounds in her heart, some relatives and friends accused her of portraying themselves in stories and novels. ‘I sat and watched for two years without writing a story. It can’t be because of me. If I sit down, I will still write the story. Who will be harmed by it? Let me go’, these are the words written by Rajalakshmi in a letter written to her elder sister.
Rajalakshmi bid farewell to life when she tried to adapt to the outside world and failed miserably. The departure of men who have turned the world’s depression into their own depression is often more disturbing than those who commit suicide for life and love. It eventually turns out to be a waste.
As Paul Varghese wrote on the first page of Pushkin’s collection of poems, for Rama the teacher in the story ‘Forgiveness’… ‘You closed the door when I came to kneel.’
Content Summary: Remembering Rajalakshmi and her Literary Works on her Birth Anniversary
