The echoes of that horror sequence still plague the dream of Ana, who was present during the legal process in a federal court in New York in which a jury of 12 decided that Saipov, of Uzbek origin, would receive a life sentence. instead of the death penalty, which was one of the options considering US law.
“The jury did not achieve the unanimity required to be able to apply the highest sentence that the judicial system enabled, for this reason the Sentence for the author of the remorseless massacre of innocent people will be Life Imprisonment,” Ana wrote in a letter entitled “Day of the Condemnation” that was reproduced this Wednesday by the site La Capital de Rosario.
“Nothing and no one can turn back time, nothing will bring Hernán back home as it should have been. The only person who could have prevented it by choosing not to is proud of the massacre he committed..
Suddenly a judicial system and a murderous terrorist who survived, made it possible for a trial to take place, using the tools of the law to give the battle that forced me to fight without even imagining it, let alone preparing myself.
Was an agonizing and painstaking process that took more than 5 years and many, many sleepless nights or nightmares from which I just wanted to wake up believing that it was all a bad dream.
During the trial I felt truly extraordinary things, never experienced. Today I have a particular anguish, a different sadness. I heard everything, words of hate, rancor, violence, no regrets and murderous pride. I had to endure a lot of helplessness. The finiteness of life that challenges us all the time to understand. The patience that I must continue to develop. The contained emotions that I had to force to stay there were not moments to overflow them, as the judge said on several occasions, ‘if you feel that you will not be able to, you must leave the courtroom.’
Years of crying in silence, of withdrawing, of getting into my mental cave. I resisted, I overcame my own barriers, I crossed my limits, I broke my own records of body exhaustion. Disordered hormones, skin rashes, allergies, choking, panic attacks, insomnia, loneliness and fear.
The tremendous conjunction of time and space that changed our lives forever and plunged us into a new unknown and foreign reality but so real and true that it completely changed our plans.
Sometimes I feel danger for the future.
In court I heard barbaric, a process that mostly felt very unfair that exposes the victims to more and more painto more and more fear, to more and more misunderstanding.
The family of the terrorist present, sitting only 2 meters away from us, from the families that he destroyed. They were so educated that they were barely breathing and about to make use of an immense benefit, testify in court to defend the indefensible and try to save their lives. How paradoxical, they tried to save him and he was killing, taking away from others the right to live. The horror of his crimes reflected in the images that the prosecution presented. The lifeless bodies lying in the dark and in the solitude of the night reflected the same terrifying particularity, a terrifying shape that made them speak for themselves of the horror of what they experienced in their last moments of life. Irreproducible positions, bent, deformed and shattered as if they had been invertebrates, all their bones broken.
It is difficult, almost impossible to describe the nausea that Saipov was happy to have his family there; He overflowed with a smile, I even saw his teeth, his eyes shone with emotion, his soul wanted to jump to embrace them, he raised his thumb giving them the ok of everything, he was so happy that he turned to see them all the time while we heroically endured such barbarity. I can only think of Hernán and our children, who were never again able to exchange glances, gestures, smiles, or signs of support with their father.. The murderer is so well instructed that as soon as the jury entered, they lowered their heads, never looked up, adjusted their hair, put on headphones, glasses, and a mask to behave well, to appear good when inside is the demon himself enjoying the success of his mission.
It is equally incredible and terrifying the disaster that a single person can cause. Destroyed lives, unfinished projects, dashed dreams, annulled desires, separated loves, uprooted lives, snatched rights, trapped kisses and hugs that cause pain to the soul, like a spear that pierces the chest and opens a hole, seriously wounding the heart.
The judicial process ended. The defense achieved its goal, his family celebrates. Sometimes he asked me what will happen to the future of the 3 children of this murderer, today children who are also US citizens, of Uzbek descent and with a terrorist father. What will weigh on the conformity of the personality? The genetics?, the environment? The upbringing? All? Will they also be proud soldiers of the caliphate? Future assassins? Maybe. For now it’s just more unanswered questions.
We have reached the end of this stage, like a 1 million lap race and we have just turned 999.999. I arrived with just enough fuel, the tires completely worn out and a huge team in the pits that has made the endurance beyond everything; unconditional. The race ended, the one that had to be run.
Many times I have felt like a ship. At times a sailboat adrift, without sails or engine or rudder going through storms in rough oceans and seas; other times I have felt like an invincible battleship opening the way in the cold and hard ice but in full sun; sometimes I am a submarine that submerged in the depths moves in absolute silence; other times I feel like a boat that floats in a calm lagoon surrounded by immense and green vegetation with nothing more than my lungs breathing deeply. My children are my motor, my soul the rudder, the compass is my heart and our strength is the immense sails that will take us to navigate new waters, filling us with adventures with a log full of emotion, always surrounded by much love. With the spirit strengthened and tempered; honoring life, continuing with the necessary breaks to enjoy.
You will live forever in our hearts. Rest in peace beloved Hernán.
It would be fair if this had never happened.
We may have peace, but I never forget.
In memory of Ariel Erlij, Hernán Ferruchi, Alejandro Pagnucco, Diego Angelini, Hernán Mendoza, Ann Laure Decadt, Nicolas Cleeves, Darren Drake and for all those who have changed our lives.”
