Prince Harry said he “always felt a little different” about the family, and that his late mother felt the same way.
In an online chat about grief and loss, the Duke of Sussex said he was afraid of losing his memories of his mother Diana when he began psychotherapy.
He also said that he made sure to “overwhelm” his children with love to avoid passing on any “traumas” or “negative experiences” from his upbringing.
His discussion was with Dr. Gabor Mati, an author who writes about trauma and addiction.
Their conversation in California dealt with topics such as “living with loss,” which he covered in his memoir, “The Alternative.”
Commenting on the public’s reaction to his memoirs, the Duke of Sussex stressed that he was not a “victim” nor was he seeking sympathy.
He revealed that his reaction to the publication of the controversial book was feeling “incredibly free”.
“I felt a huge weight on my shoulders,” he told Dr Matti, describing the book as an “attempt to do a favor” to help others break taboos around talking about mental health problems.
The discussion focused on the prince’s feelings, treatment and thoughts on mental health.
But she did not address recent revelations, such as the royal family’s request of Harry and his wife Megan to vacate their country home, or whether he would attend his father’s coronation.
Nor did the discussion address how the royal family, including his brother, felt about his revealing memoirs.
Prince Harry described growing up “feeling a little bit different from the rest of my family” – and having a sense of living in a separate “bubble” and therapy helping him get out of it.
He was asked in front of a global online audience about his childhood being emotionally reserved, with few hugs or displays of affection.
With his children, he said, he “makes sure they are showered with love and tenderness.”
“As a father, I feel a huge responsibility to ensure that I don’t pass on any trauma or … negative experiences I had as a child,” he said.
He spoke repeatedly about the importance of psychotherapy, even though it might cause problems in his other relationships.
He said he was wrong to imagine that psychotherapy sessions could lead to his feelings for his mother, Diana, who died in a car crash in Paris in 1997 when Harry was 12 years old.
Prince Harry said: “One of the things I was most afraid of was losing my feeling for my mother… She is all I managed to keep from my mother.”
But he told Dr. Mattie that he hadn’t lost those feelings and realized “she actually wanted me to be happy”.
The prince spoke of his “eternal gratitude” to his wife Megan for changing his point of view, describing her as an “extraordinary person”.
But he said meeting Meghan gave him a “crash course” in confronting racism, which he described as “absolutely appalling”.
Prince Harry also defended the use of psychedelic drugs, saying they helped him “deal with past trauma and pain”, and said using cocaine “didn’t do anything for me” but that “marijuana is different, and that really helped me”.
To watch the interview online, audiences had to purchase a copy of Prince Harry’s best-selling memoir, which made headlines with its unprecedented account of tensions between royals and its personal secrets.
It also included allegations of a physical clash with his brother, Prince William, and included his experiences with drug use and the loss of his virginity.