First Christmas without my daughter: – Terribly painful

NØTTERØY (Dagbladet): – “Are you alone? Are you sitting?” asked the doctor when he called me. It is one of the heaviest messages I have received. What do you do when you realize that your child is about to die?

Siv and Trond Hansen’s eyes go blank.

At home in Nøtterøy, the house is decorated for Christmas and the parents are preparing for their first Christmas as a family of three. Last year, the four of them, both daughters, were at home. This year, only little sister Martine is coming home.

It has been a little over six months since the parents lost their beloved daughter Camilla to cancer. On Friday 6 May she fell asleep peacefully at Vestfold hospital, just 26 years old.

– It’s hard and terribly painful to imagine a Christmas without Camilla, says mum Siv softly from the sofa where her eldest daughter fell seriously ill last autumn.

A strange fly in the ointment

It was in June 2019 that Camilla discovered a mole on her back. She thought she was a little weird and she decided to go to the doctor to get it checked-she completely unaware that the doctor visit would be the beginning of an endless nightmare.

Camilla had the mole removed and thought no more about it. In August, she received a letter from the doctor stating that he was malignant and they needed to remove a larger area around the mole. Also, the doctors wanted to remove a couple of lymph nodes.

– That was a terrible message to receive. I feared the worst as soon as I heard the word “cancer”. But not long after we got good news from the doctors: Camilla was cured of cancer, says mom Siv.

Then, in early 2021, a new mole appeared. This time it wasn’t going to go so well. Camilla was diagnosed with malignant melanoma of the skin, the most serious form of skin cancer.

In May, he started immunotherapy. In July – while on holiday in Norway with his friends – he suddenly had severe pain in his shoulder and double vision in one eye. In September, doctors discovered that the pain was coming from two tumors, one in the head and one in the neck. The cancer had also spread to his lungs, chest and liver.

The autumn was marked by operations, medicines, immunotherapy, radiation and travel in and out of Rikshospitalet, Radiumhospitalet, Lovisenberg hospital and Vestfold hospital. At the end of October, she left Skillebekk’s women’s collective in Oslo and returned home to her parents in Nøtterøy.

Trond is thankful for that today.

– She needed a lot of help and treatment when she was at her worst, and so it was a natural fit. I know it was hard for Camilla to come home, after all you shouldn’t be moving in with your parents when you’re 26. But I still believe it was safe and good, both for her and for us. Today I am very happy and grateful for the extra time we spent together.

Siv smiles sweetly and nods to her husband.

– It really hurt my mother’s heart to see her lying on the sofa here, weekend after weekend, while others her age were out and about living life. At the same time, it was nice to have her here with us, she adds.

“It’s a day or two away”

Camilla had a short stay at Radiumhospitalet in December, but was allowed to go home for Christmas.

Both parents smile when they think back to last year’s party.

The family knew it could be their last Christmas together. Siv and Trond made the best of the situation: they invited the family to a Christmas party, cooked some good food and enjoyed each other’s company. Camilla had a good time, they say. Everything was as good as could be.

On New Year’s Eve, Camilla was with her group of friends. The year started off well, but Camilla suddenly got significantly worse.

The cancer had spread again, but Camilla did not lose hope.

– She was a real fighter who refused to give up. Hope was always there. In retrospect, I realized maybe it was to keep spirits up around her, Trond says.

Soon after Easter, Camilla was hospitalized again, and Siv and Trond were summoned to a conference room with the hospital doctor. There they received the heaviest message a mother and father can receive:

“Your daughter has a day or two left to live.”

– It was absolutely awful. The steps I took after that conversation are the heaviest I’ve taken in my entire life, says Father Trond.

– We joined when the doctor would tell her, and then she answered with a calm “yes, good.” She realized she was over. We held her hand and she asked us not to cry. It was terrible.

A tear runs down his cheek as he looks at Siv. She is empty in her eyes.

– Cry every day

A few days later, with her closest friends around her, Camilla breathed her last.

– One of them called us and said she thought it was about to end, says Siv.

The parents, who were sitting in a café outside the hospital, threw away their coffee cups.

– We didn’t arrive on time, she was already gone.

The group of friends has been inseparable since elementary school and Siv and Trond have had a close relationship with them for many years. They are grateful for the support their friends have shown, both during Camilla’s illness and after Camilla’s death.

The time after was tough on friends and family.

– We still cry every single day, but we try to take it one day at a time.

At home in Nøtterøy, Camilla is still present. There are pictures of her on her walls and in the living room is her memorial book from her funeral. On the second floor, her room is mostly intact and last year’s Christmas dress hangs on a hanger among the other clothes.

– I haven’t managed to throw anything away yet, says mother Siv.

Parents are thinking more about their daughter now in the dark times. They fear Christmas, but also try to create new traditions in which the family remembers Camilla.

– Last year was a beautiful Christmas, perhaps the most beautiful we’ve had. We know it will be hard to celebrate Christmas without her, but we will still do our best to still celebrate well, even from Martine, says mum Siv.

Little sister Martine knows the contents of this case.

– Control yourself!

They remember Camilla as a thoughtful and kind girl, as someone who stood up for the people and things she cared about. She was funny, fun-loving and positive, but she could also be determined, say her parents.

One thing Camilla was passionate about was openness. During her illness, she openly shared on Instagram what it was like to be affected by cancer and how important it is to control yourself.

This is exactly what the family wants to convey:

– It’s incredibly important to use sunscreen and watch for changing moles. It’s that simple, and it can save both you and those around you tremendous pain.

The parents are touched and grateful for the network they have around them and cannot praise enough the help they have received from the Norwegian healthcare system.

– In recent years we have made many trips in and out of various hospitals and have had exclusively positive experiences. We are lucky to live in a country with such good healthcare. This lowers the threshold for seeking help, says Siv.