One in four women in Bulgaria experiences beatings, insults, threats and humiliation, according to the dry statistics of police records. Age, social status, education, financial situation don’t matter at all: there are abusers and victims in every group of society, agree doctors, psychologists, police officers, social workers and lawyers.
However, the actual number of women who have experienced harassment is much higher. Most of them do not complain about the shame of being in such a situation, because of the children, because they have nowhere to go, think there is no more time or hope that something will change. At least at the beginning. After that, some of them are too late – some become real victims of murder or death after severe physical trauma.
“I couldn’t leave the house. My ex took my phone and locked me when he left. Several times I thought this was the end: punching, shoving, choking, pulling my hair… The last one Once he knocked me to the floor and I hit my head. I remember seeing him jump on me and hearing him lock the door. I don’t know how long I was on the floor.
The first thing I thought was: “I’m still alive. Good thing he’s gone. “He didn’t come home for three days. He didn’t call to see if I was alive,” says one of the battered women. And then she decided that she would no longer be silent: she sat in the corridor behind the closed door and waited to hear one of the neighbors at the entrance. So a neighbor informed the police.
The horror of the sound of a key in the lock is still felt by a woman in her forties who has already managed to save herself and run away from home. “I had become like an animal.
I could hear him coming home before our dog
from the tension that made my whole body tense and trembling. My skin felt like a garment, several sizes smaller than mine. First, I looked into his eyes and figured out whether there was going to be a scandal and a beating, or just grievances and dissatisfaction,” she says. Several times she even came “on the verge” of ending her life.
The only thing stopping her was the thought of the baby. “I had even chosen the place to jump from,” recalls the woman after four years, who has already returned to her normal life. She admits that she still doesn’t have the courage to live with the man who is next to her and who appeared in the most difficult period of her life.
“I was very offended when she told me I was worthless, that I was a complete wretch, that ‘other women’ were more successful, earned more, were more fun…” says MA – an educated woman superior, authority among his colleagues and with a man who has positions in society.
At first she thought it was a midlife crisis and the grind of nearly 20 years of marriage. She was silent because he thought the period would pass. Her first beating came when she allowed herself to say that anyone could joke for two hours with a man who told her she was beautiful and she didn’t expect dinner to be served and shirts ironed. Since then, the “others” had the right to call her husband at any time, and he had no qualms about talking to them in front of her. Every attempt to comment on the matter has led to new insults and physical violence has become more frequent.
“To our friends, we seemed like the perfect family
Well materially, with good professions, the child – already grown up, without problems, excelled in school. Now he is a student who takes exams regularly. Well, “flowers and roses”… Until one day the child unexpectedly returned home from the capital and the sight shocked him – objects knocked down, me – torn and makeup smudged, he on top of me – suffocating me. Yet. My son saved me.
He threatened his father with the police, told me to get dressed and that he wouldn’t leave me until we went to forensics. We went and found out on the spot that while I was in “human” form, my husband (now ex) had gone to have him testify that I had skinned his arms while trying to free myself. My life is different now. Sometimes, though, I wake up feeling his hands around my neck. I’m shaking but I’m happy it was just a dream and I’m alone,” the woman said.
Domestic violence, especially during a pandemic,
can seriously affect the mental health of children
and teenagers. If children often witness physical abuse and mental harassment at home, children may withdraw or begin to copy the aggressive behavior.
This is the case of a mother and her two daughters who, after years of abuse, are coming back to life. This is happening thanks to the support provided by the professionals of the “Zona ZaKrila” Advocacy Centers supported by UNICEF in Bulgaria.
Beatings, insults, threats and humiliations. This is how almost sixteen years of this woman’s life pass. She was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by her ex-partner, the father of her two children.
“When I went to bed at night, I prayed that in the morning I would find him dead. I go to work. I see how my colleagues rush home, and I, if there was a way, to work all day, just not to return home,” he says.
Her daughters, third and ninth graders, also witnessed the violence. The children see their father hitting, insulting and threatening their mother. “They’ve started avoiding us even when she’s home. They’ve stopped in another room and kept silent, because if they fight back, it’ll start again for them too,” says the mother.
The man also abused them mentally and emotionally. He punished and criticized the big girl when he felt she wasn’t doing well in school. She forbade him to go out with her friends. “She harassed her a lot when she found out she had a boyfriend, she insulted her with nasty words, instead of sitting like a father explaining to her,” notes the woman
There is salvation, but one must want it
“Everyone who can overcome themselves and seek help should know that for them there is a way out and a salvation,” say the leaders of the Municipal Crisis Center of the city under the hills. However, they only welcome people considered to be in real danger of their lives.
“The women who come to us are of different ages. Some come with children who are also under stress. Some are beaten, especially if they decide to help their mother. Others will remember for the rest of their lives how their father used to beat and abused his mother.
This affects them: some even become victims because they have lived in the conditions of such a model, others can become abusers, others remember the violence and insults they have witnessed all their lives and are afraid to let someone into themselves, they share doctors and psychologists.
In many cases, institutions are called by friends, neighbors and even employers who have noticed signs of violence. For the removal of the abuser from the home or placement in a crisis center to be effective, the woman must request it herself”, explains the director of the Municipal Centre.
It’s important to report to the police at the first slap or fight. From there the victims receive information on where they can be accommodated and how to get help, they are referred to foundations and NGOs. There are only a few instances where the violence is one-off and that’s when women immediately seek help. Before a relapse occurred. Usually, so that there are no consequences for him, the abuser promises, begs, “apologies” and swears that it will not happen again. Until the next time.
Others blame victims for causing them, or threaten them that if they complain, the situation will get worse. A large number of abusers place women in financial dependence and in a bind. They attribute to them a sense of guilt, impasse and worthlessness. They force them not to complain by threatening that they won’t get parental rights, say doctors and psychologists.
One of the places in the city where victims of violence can ask for help is the Counseling Center at 53 “Raiko Daskalov” Street (Levski House). On the first floor, in room 12, every woman victim of violence can receive free legal advice from the specialists of the “DA” Foundation – (“Gender Alternatives”), affirms Avv. Milena Kadieva. The telephone number at which they can request advice from specialists every day, from 10.00 to 17.00, is 0879 26 01 01.
“The women are placed in crisis centers for a few days until the abuser is removed from the home by the police and placed under a restraining order. Then the woman and the children can go home. In addition to legal aid, we offer their free consultations with psychologists, social workers and lawyers. We are also in constant contact with the police,” says the lawyer.
