Mario is a real guy and I met him in Chicago. I still can’t believe it myself, sitting here with my glass of whiskey in the upstairs library of my grandfather’s house in deep west Chicago City. I’m sitting here remembering Mario & Luigi, Peach & Pauline, Donkey King, Bowser’s Army and how we all spent the day together in Chicago looking for coins and gold stars. I helped Mario rescue Princess Peach from downtown Bowser’s Castle, I saw him jump up.
Mario climbed a waterfall. Mario jumped on a trampoline. Mario ate a classic Chicago slice of Chicago deep dish pizza and put gold coins in a pocket. I saw Mario climb a mountainside, climb the tall buildings of Chicago, and run across a hot desert. Mario is a real guy and I met him.
It happened like this:
I was walking late one night in the Gold Coast neighborhood of Chicago when I heard someone say, “Wahahahooo!” I thought it was weird because nobody usually says wahahahoo. Nobody but Mario. I found it odd because I wasn’t playing a Mario video game at the time, I wasn’t doing anything of the sort, actually I wasn’t busy at all.
I remember walking home from a bar somewhere, to the train station so I could catch the train home to my small one bedroom apartment. It was late and I hurried there to make sure I caught one of the last trains to my neighborhood, I wanted to go home and go to bed right away. I was having a rough day at the office and I was ready to lay my head straight on my bed and fall asleep quickly.
You can imagine how surprised I was to hear MARIO of all people, not least because, as far as I knew at the time, Mario wasn’t even a real guy, just a character in a Nintendo game I’d played at the time at time.
“Whahahooo!” and that’s when it hit me…Mario hit me, that is. Mario jumped on my head like a goomba and after getting hit on the head I said ‘ow’ really loud and looked around to see who did it. It was Mario. I saw a little guy with a big mustache running in circles nearby, raising small clouds of smoke.
“Mario!?!?!” I said, “Is that you?”
Mario crouched next to a blue mailbox and then backflipped in the air, “WAHOOO!” he yelled as he jumped into the year and backflipped, “Itsa ME! Mario!” and he landed on the mailbox, which exploded in gold coins.
“Mario! You stop jumping immediately! You jumped on my head and I don’t like that at all! You’d better explain yourself now, or else!” I tried to sound angry and put on a scolding tone, but being angry with Mario was pretty hard.
“Oh! It’s a me! Mario! Sorry I landed on your head! Want a gold coin?” Mario handed me a giant gold coin. The gold coin was so big I could hardly believe my eyes. It weighed over 500 pounds and I almost fell over trying to lift it.After much struggling and shuffling around, I finally managed to slip the coin, which I estimated was worth over a million dollars, into my backpack while Mario watched.
“You want to see the city of Chicago!” said Mario, doing a backflip.
Stunned, I stared at Mario from the Super Mario world. He gave me a big mushroom and told me to eat it and I did. I watched as he gestured for me to follow him into a green tube in the ground. We went to the green tube where I went to the underground part of the Mario world. I didn’t know this, but apparently the Lost Tunnel Network beneath Chicago is basically like a Mario level. We saw Goombas down there, along with some of those Shell guys, you know them.
I also saw a Hammer Bro and a bunch of other Mario Guys. Mario was jumping around and smashing blocks with his fist and he kept giving me these heavy gold coins. I was starting to get really tired. Suddenly we met Luigi and Pauline and all the other characters of Mario and they helped me to carry all the gold coins. Mario kept saying things like “Wahooo!” and “That’s me! Mario!”
The rest of the night was a blur as I encountered every single character from the Mario world beneath the streets of Chicago. We went from area to area and even encountered a lava plain somewhere near the loop I think and there was a beach plain and even one in space. I also remember Bowser’s castle and a Green named Yoshi. Everything just got faster and faster and I kept eating different mushrooms and the next thing I knew I was waking up in my bed and the sun was rising.
I ran over and looked out my window… in the distance I heard someone say, “WAHOOOO!!!!” I looked out my window at Mario, but he was already gone. I still think about that night all the time. It was probably one of the most interesting nights of my life. I’ll never forget the time I met Mario in Chicago and found out he was a real guy. I will never forget all the fun I had with Mario & Luigi, Donkey Kong, Bowser’s Castle, Peach, Pauline and more.
If I look back at all, there’s one thing I’ve learned, one lesson I’ll never forget… Mario from Super Mario Brothers is real and I met him in Chicago, Illinois! I will never forget Mario. I went to the fridge and noticed a strange postcard that I had never seen before. It said, “Wahooo!” It was signed by Mario, Luigi, Donkey King, Bowser, Pauline, Peach, Toad, Yoshi and everyone else. It’s a night I’ll never forget, and I’ll never forget Mario from Super Mario World.
Yes indeed. Even now, as I sip this whiskey at my grandfather’s house in Chicago, I can’t stop remembering the wonderful night I had. Sometimes, if you listen carefully, you can hear someone in the distance saying “Wahoo!” It may sound strange, but sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
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