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Today show (ZDF): Oliver Welke attacks Markus Söder (CSU)

Is that where Bavaria is headed? There is a threat of a state of emergency, according to the “heute-show” (ZDF). Will it eventually come to the point that “down there” in the wild south even people will eat their white sausage after noon? And who is to blame? Of course, according to Oliver Welke, “Markus Söder, the lawbreaker.”

Oliver Welke has never been in the front row of Markus Söder’s claqueurs. And so it was clear to the “heute-show” moderator (on February 11, 2022) that he was happy about the upcoming punchline: “Who would have thought that it would even be funny in Corona times,” he said and announced : “As of this week, Markus Söder can be called a lawbreaker!” In addition, a “mug photo” of Söder in a fine rib undershirt and with the slogan “Deport criminal lawbreakers – NOW!” What had happened?

The “free-rotating Franconian” (O-Ton Welke) had announced that he did not want to apply the compulsory vaccination for nursing facilities in Bavaria for the time being, but rather “de facto suspend it”. “‘De facto’ is Latin and means ‘fuck you, traffic light’,” translated Welke. Because: The law was only passed in December – with the votes of the Union.

Markus Söder, the lawbreaker?

The “King of Bavaria” is therefore opposed to a law that applies to the whole of Germany. And why? Welke: “It’s purely self-PR, because the polls are falling.” Welke was astonished at Söder’s ability to change: “He was just the captain of the Caution team, then of the Eye Measure team, followed by the Loosening team and the Mirdochscheißegal team. His absolute favorite team is Team Me anyway!”

Send with its opposite course Söder a “great sign”, said Welke sarcastically: “And then you are surprised when trust in the Corona measures keeps going down.” And then the concern for Bavaria! Is the Free State really in danger of becoming a legal vacuum, an “Eldorado for outlaws” in which “laws apply unless they don’t suit you,” as Welke put it? The ultimate horror scenario: in the end, people are still eating their white sausages with a cold smile after noon! Disgusting!

The children suffer because of the “lateral thinker grandpas”

Truly upsetting. Worse, said Welke, “is that our children and young people continue to suffer.” Welke: “We can’t put the lives of our children on pause for the three million unvaccinated over-60s who suffer from counseling resistance or a longing for death.”

The intolerable state “scream for revenge.” Welke also immediately put forward an idea: “Every unvaccinated lateral thinker grandpa gets a visit from elementary school students once a day, from whom he has to let himself be explained without contradiction how stupid he is.” And as an encore there would be “of course” another recorder concerto.

“We are too dependent on Russian gas”

Who can solve the problem? Minister of Health Lauterbach hesitates, although “half of Europe is loosening up”. And the Chancellor is distracted. According to Welke, Olaf Scholz rushes “from one crisis team to the next”. Was only on the way to Washington in the much-noticed “baggy look” (Welke: “My face, he was wearing a mouse-grey sweater, the crazy fashion victim!”) and will soon be traveling to Russia.

There it could be that it gets really uncomfortable. In any case, if he keeps rumoring about it when the subject of the “Nord Stream 2” gas pipeline comes up. In Washington, he was able to halfway pull himself out of the affair with plain text Joe Biden (“In the event of war, there is no ‘Nord Stream 2’!”). But will that work with Putin?

“Of course we could unilaterally put the pipeline on hold,” said Welke, referring to the possibility of sanctions against the potentially belligerent Russians. On the other hand, Scholz must also represent German interests. And they would look like this: “We are far too dependent on Russian gas. More than half of our gas imports come from there and cannot be replaced in the short term.”

“Nordstream 2” – the name that must not be mentioned

In the SPD, “Nordstream 2” is exactly what “Voldemort” is for magicians in the Harry Potter world: a name that must not be mentioned. The only SPD man who frankly names horse, soot, rider and tube is former Chancellor Gerhard Schröder. On the one hand, this is surprising because he is doing his heirs a disservice. On the other hand, it’s logical, because the ex-Chancellor is really involved. He is already on the board of directors at Nord Stream and also at Russian oil giant Rosneft. And now he’s moving into the supervisory board of Gazprom, the largest natural gas producer.

Even if the comrades shake their heads and wrinkle their noses over their Gerd – Valerie Niehaus celebrated the man for his consistency. “He’s got balls of steel. Made of Russian steel,” she praised. Niehaus reported from Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania from a ceremony in front of Schwerin Castle. The program included the official renaming of the federal state to “Mecklenburg-Rohrpommern powered by Nordstream 2”. That’s nice and has nothing to do with corruption or bribery, even if it’s true that Nord Stream supports Mecklenburg clubs, institutions and festivals.

Will Meck-Vorpomm change its name to Meck-Rohrpomm?

Perhaps the shanty choir “Warnemünder Erdgasschnüffler” is one of the supported clubs. The strapping boys presented their new version of “A seafaring, that’s funny”: “A pipeline through the Baltic Sea, yes that’s never wrong, because it makes us all richer, not least Schröder Gerd, holahi holahohoho, holaputinho! “

In the song duel, the “Kosakenchor Warnemünde” countered with their new version of “Moscow” by Dschinghis Khan: “Putin, Putin, your pipeline is so long, turn on the grill and the heating, hahahahaha! Putin, Putin, your pipeline is so big, all hell is going on in Kiev, hohohohohoooo!!“

“Kiss your hand, you Piefke idiots, how stupid can you be?”

Hahaha! The corona fighters from Austria should be thinking the same thing when they look at Germany. Or in Welke’s words: “The Ösis behind their seven mountains make us look old.” At least when it comes to the PCR test strategy, which once again turned into a debacle for us.

In Austria, on the other hand, they are celebrating success with the new gargle and spit strategy. “Everything is gurgling” means that in Vienna, for example, just as many tests are carried out (and evaluated) in one day as in all of Germany! While in Germany you are currently queuing again, paying expensive money and then having to wait forever for the test result, in Austria this is done quickly and cheaply – in Vienna it is free for the citizens. “Translated that means,” says Welke, “Kiss your hand, you Piefke idiots, how stupid can you be.” (ch)

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