“You are just like your father” – this sentence can surprise or even annoy us. We often only notice years later that our parents give us values and characteristics.
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Vanessa is 25 and is studying business psychology. Her father Gianni is 43 and was 16 and 17 years old when he had Vanessa and her brother. When Vanessa was asked as a teenager that she ticks like her father, it bothered her.
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“It was definitely important to me that I find my own character.”
Vanessa on her parenting relationship during her teenage years
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“We already have points of friction,” says Gianni, but that doesn’t bother him. As a father, he wants his children to develop their own values and beliefs: “It’s important to me that Vanessa stands by her own worth, but still doesn’t forget where she comes from.”
To be able to forgive someone is the value that is particularly close to Gianni’s heart. At the moment, father and daughter are still different, both are convinced: Gianni forgives faster when there is a dispute, he believes. “I would also like to be a little more like you, a little more gracious,” says Vanessa.
But of course there are also similarities: Both think that they are direct and that they do a lot of nonsense. They also work together for the rights of Sinti and Roma.
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Both we and our parents develop in our values
We form value systems and beliefs very early in our lives, says developmental psychologist Meike Watzlawik – for example through punishment from parents for a bad act or through observations of other people and interaction with peers.
The development and discussion of values is not one-sided, says the researcher. Parents would also develop further along the way. In the podcast, the scientist explains what we can do when our family’s ideas don’t suit us and how we develop our own convictions.
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