Today’s crazy ramblings will take the form of an Erling Haaland-shaped beauty pageant and they’ll head across the Premier League looking for someone to love me.
Will it be Manchester City? Not according to Pep Guardiola, the elected champions have no two-pound coins to rub this summer.
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¿Next stop Manchester City for Haaland?
Will it be Manchester United? Ole Gunnar Solskjaer might have the striker in a private WhatsApp chat, but you can’t really see Mino Raiola wanting two of his clients to underperform at Old Trafford.
And Chelsea? They seem more interested in bringing Sergio Agüero to Stamford Bridge for free than putting the £ 250 million big on the table; Besides, they still aren’t guaranteed Champions League football, right?
One thing’s for sure, Erling will be the talk of the summer, the queen of the proverbial soccer prom.
Those early Saturday after-international football kick-offs are always boring affairs, right?
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Could it be Solskjaer who landed in Haaland?
Chelsea’s Thiago Silva has accomplished most things in football, aside from a decent performance against West Bromwich Albion. The Brazilian had a surprise when he made his debut in the reverse game and did not feel like a full 90 on his return from an injury in this one.
As much as I am a fan of a smaller side tucking one in the pipe of the greats, if that means the return of Smug Sam then I am totally against it.
Allardyce was in his absolute post-match element, predicting that “we won’t be the last” in Game of the Day and praised his players for following “their tactical plan” to the letter.
Thomas Tuchel’s team had not conceded a goal in about 700 minutes at Stamford Bridge, long enough for him to learn that playing Marcos Alonso in defense is a recipe for disaster.
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Tuchel’s honeymoon period at Stamford Bridge came to an end on Saturday against the Baggies
Big Sam has a lot of stick for his style of football, but West Brom’s fourth (yes, that’s the fourth) was possibly the goal of the weekend.
So Mikel Arteta is left with the blame once again. Arsenal were impressed by Liverpool in the second half in what was probably Granit Xhaka’s best game for Arsenal, because he wasn’t playing and they actually missed him.
Liverpool and England fifth-pick right-back Trent Alexander Arnold seemed quite enthusiastic about the game, creating Diogo Jota’s first goal with a superb cross. However, the cross was nothing compared to Stuart Attwell’s haircut or Alisson’s mustache, both of which would have been a topic of conversation individually had they not appeared in the same game.
Liverpool’s defense seemed confident, raising the question of what they could have accomplished if Jurgen Klopp had simply picked the central defenders, no matter how far down the pecking order they were earlier in the season. Mind you, they’ll have enough next season with a £ 40 million deal for Leipzig’s Ibrahima Konate to qualify.
Arsenal were “mentally weak” according to Ian Wright, but at least Martin Odegaard ended the weekend with a cup champion medal on his locker.
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Arsenal’s chances of finishing in the top six took another hit
Manchester City can sleepwalking to the Premier League title from here, needing just eleven points to lift the trophy.
Agüero’s long goodbye began against Leicester, although his greatest contribution was putting himself in the line of Fernandinho’s wonderful goal. Instead, it was Gabriel Jesus who scored on Easter yet again (insert your own gag here folks, everyone else has).
Manchester United were eager to get back to normal after a week in which they felt the need to confirm that they would not sign Agüero. So Paul Pogba finally went to pick up his pound Rolls Royce and United fell behind in a Premier League match.
We haven’t had the returning man curse in some time, so it was good to see Danny Welbeck make a notch against his former employers, following a great save from United’s No.1 (for the day) Dean Henderson. Mind you, with rumors that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will pay David de Gea to leave this summer, Hendo could be number one next season.
Naturally, the weekend after this “football writer” removed Mason Greenwood from his fantasy draft team after patience ran out, he scored the winning goal.
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Greenwood scored Manchester United’s winning goal against Brighton
Tottenham traveled to St James’ Park with both managers on top of the wrong table – the ‘next manager to get the bullet’ popular with many bookmakers. When Joelinton scored just his second goal in what Newcastle fans feel like a lifetime, Spurs fans would have feared the worst.
Harry Kane managed to score two on three touches, but Steve Bruce’s team never went to bed, like many opponents to Mourinho’s team this season.
However, it’s not José’s fault, you understand. Spurs have now dropped 15 points from winning positions, the third highest in the Premier League this season, but it all depends on the players, okay?
Joe Willock, on loan from Arsenal, took great pleasure in scoring a late draw, a goal that slows Mou’s push into the Champions League once again, but can be considered a lifesaver for Mike Ashley’s club. Steve Bruce could even get a new contract this week as a result.
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Willock celebrates his goal against Spurs
Almost certainly one manager who won’t get a new contract is Uncle Roy Hodgson at Crystal Palace. The grandfather of Premier League management is believed to be fired at the end of the season with Palace drawing up a roster of coaches to take the club forward: Frank Lampard, Sean Dyche and Steve Cooper of Swansea.
One in three feels realistic on that list, but if Steve Parrish is looking in the Championship for his next player, then he wants to take a look at a former player who is now doing great things in the land of the Tykes: Valerien Ismael in Barnsley. .
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Hodgson’s current contract at Selhurst Park expires at the end of the season
For a brief moment it looked like Scott Parker’s Fulham might enjoy some chocolate egg action outside of the Premier League relegation zone. Unfortunately, there were only eggs for the winners and that was Aston Villa – Trezeguet off the bench for a double and Ollie Watkins scoring late to remind Gareth Southgate not to forget about him before the Euro 2020 team is chosen.
Leeds United will not have many easy days like this weekend, beating Sheffield United 2-1 thanks to Phil Jagielka kicking the winner and beating Aaron Ramsdale, a goalkeeper who must be fed up as of late, with important goals flying above him.
I’m sure not many of us had Southampton’s clash with Burnley as a five-goal thriller and when Burnley led 2-0 from the start even fewer would have thought Southampton had the stomach for a comeback.
Well, we were all wrong: Theo Walcott might as well have nailed his smartest help.
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