Scientists challenge established stereotypes about what brings us smiles
The relationship between money and satisfaction is the most complex – research shows that those who have enough money feel the best, but spend it not on fashion gadgets, but on emotions
A big salary and corporate success – many people dream of this, convinced that after achieving these goals cloudless happiness comes.
“Advertising and popular media shape our idea of happiness every day in ways that actually hinder us,” says Emiliana Simon-Thomas, research director at the University of California, Berkeley.
Scientists have long tried to separate fact from fiction when trying to determine what makes us happy. With their help, Time magazine discovered 6 things that we think bring us happiness, but may turn out to be the opposite.
1. Avoiding the negative emotions
Being happy is a lofty goal. Eliminating negative emotions like anger, fear, resentment is a step in the right direction, right? It turns out that according to experts, this is the biggest mistake people make in pursuit of a rosy future. “We have built the wrong idea that a happy, meaningful life means feeling good all the time and avoiding negative emotions,” explains Lori Santos, professor of psychology at Yale University. “By suppressing our negative emotions, we actually only make things worse.” Research shows that abstracting from feelings like frustration and disgust makes people more aggressive. This kind of behavior leads to the inability to create deeper relationships. Some scientific studies have even linked suppressing emotions to a risk of early death.
“It’s much healthier to accept that happiness includes the full range of emotions,” says Simon-Thomas. – Unpleasant emotions can be very instructive when oriented toward inner growth. It’s important to recognize that when we feel bad, the answer is not to stifle those emotions or blame ourselves. Rather, we need to understand what they are for.”
2. Life in the city
Many great contemporary artists have sung the colorfulness, the dynamism, the liveliness, the particular attractiveness of big megacities like New York, London, Paris, where it is never possible to be bored. But waking up in a city that never sleeps isn’t necessarily a good thing for inner peace.
Research shows that compared to rural residents citizens are 21% more likely to develop anxiety and 39% more likely to experience severe depression. Even those living in quieter, more peaceful neighborhoods in the city were 25% less likely to experience symptoms of depression than those in noisy areas. Even just the presence of tall buildings has a depressing effect and creates a feeling of powerlessness, say psychologists.
One reason is that the human brain is programmed to live in smaller social groups, explains Colin Ellard, a neuroscientist at Canada’s University of Waterloo who studies how nature and urban spaces affect the psyche. “But when our group size exceeds that number, we find ourselves in a situation of living among strangers, which is cognitively and emotionally draining,” he says. The feeling of being in crowds causes the stress hormone cortisol to rise, mentally people are faced with circumstances that they feel are out of their control. The way for city people to protect their psyche is to try to be as often as possible in nature, even in the city park.
3. Too much free time
Psychologists have often said that having enough free time is key to mental well-being, but it turns out that having too much free time is just as bad as having too little. According to a study published in 2021 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, happiness increases in progression with free time, but there is a “but”. The beneficial effect lasts about 2 hours and begins to decrease sharply after 5 hours of free time per day. “The reason is that you no longer feel productive and have a sense of lack of purpose and meaning.” says Marisa Sharif, a professor of marketing at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. Of course, it matters a lot what you use your free time for. If the hours after the 5th are spent in the company of other people, the feeling of worthlessness will not appear. Activities that help a person continue to feel good are sports, going out with friends, hobbies, learning a new language, etc.
4. Pursuing success
From the time we were children, many of us dreamed of a glamorous and well-paid job that would bring us satisfaction and self-esteem. But according to experts, counting on these achievements doesn’t make us happier, or at least not for long. The false notion that achieving success will lead to lasting happiness is called the “arrival fallacy,” explains Tal Ben-Shahar, co-founder of an online happiness research academy. “People believe that if they win the lottery, get a promotion, or win a race, they’ve gone to heaven. In practice, however, this only leads to a temporary feeling of well-being, not to eternal happiness,” he points out. When we achieve one goal, we fixate on the next one and thus subtly find ourselves stuck in an endless cycle where we stop appreciating what we have. Also, success often leads to more stress and neglecting important things like family and informal connections with the people who matter.
5. Anonymity
From time to time we want to disappear for those around us. The pursuit of anonymity, however, does not bring us anything useful, believes John Helliwell, one of the main authors of the world report on happiness. He gives the example of an experiment in which participants were asked what would happen if they lost a wallet with $200 in it. What is the probability that the policeman, the neighbor, the priest, some stranger will return it to them? People living in an environment where they believed someone would return it were much happier than those who did not believe they would get their wallet back. “We discovered how important it is to feel like you’re living among people who care about you,” says Helliwell. “If you believe that someone will return your wallet, you are more likely to return theirs,” explains the expert. He advises that every time you go out into the street, smile at your neighbors and exchange a few words with them, because this is how a community of trust is created.
6. Buying fashion items
The relationship between money and happiness is complicated, experts say. A high salary undoubtedly improves the level of satisfaction, but only to a certain extent. According to a study in the US, participants reported that they felt best when they earned between 75,000 and 105,000 per year. Above this amount, emotional well-being began to decline. It also turned out to be important what the money was spent on – whether it was for designer clothes, new cars, the most avant-garde gadgets – this also did not cause lasting happiness. Those whose walking was related to experiences and activation of social contacts were much more satisfied. “Go out to lunch with a friend instead of using that money to buy something,” says Harvard professor Michael Norton. According to him, spending for your loved ones and for others in general also raises the degrees of happiness. Donating is one of those things that can really make a person feel good. “You don’t have to make a foundation for billions. Only have $5 to donate? If you give them to help someone, that will be your happiest day,” Norton is convinced.
