What’s the strangest request you’ve ever received on an intimate level? Midwife and author Uwe Porters (33) asked this question to 44,200 Flemish people on Instagram. She received hundreds of anonymous responses: we collected the most striking ones and together with Uwe we learned a few important lessons about our sex life. “A man wanted to have sex with me and my sister. We look like twins.”
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Lessons for home: “This can be a fantastic win-win for both partners”
Midwife Uwe Porters (33) posts a spicy question on Instagram every week and thus manages to get the Flemish out of bed. It reveals our — often surprising — erotic preferences and habits. What will this week reveal? Almost everyone has a strange kink or has encountered someone with a ‘strange’ desire.
“The term ‘strange’ may sound negative. That’s not how I mean it,” Uwe emphasizes. “I was just curious: what sexual question have you ever been asked that was out of your comfort zone? By sharing such things with each other, we normalize them.” In other words: if we know what others (also) do in bed, we find ourselves less strange.
Some wanted to be watched during sex, others wanted to try out peeing or choking sex
Uwe Porters
The answers vary widely, Uwe notes. “It’s about quickies in places that you don’t immediately link to sex, such as a corn field or the office where you work. There were also requests for threesomes or to open the relationship. Some wanted to be watched during sex, others wanted to try out peeing or choking sex. The last two in particular catch the eye and may have to do with a desire for dominance.”
It takes courage to come up with such a proposal, because you make yourself very vulnerable. “You may only make such a request if you trust the other person. If you feel, ‘I can ask and I’m not going to be judged, even if my desire isn’t ‘vanilla’ or traditional.’”
In any case, Uwe is in favor of sharing kinks. “It can always benefit you,” she believes. According to Uwe, three possible scenarios could unfold. “In the worst case scenario, you have an open conversation with your partner about this. In the best case, the other person responds enthusiastically, because he/she has the same kink.”
“The third option lies in between: then your partner is reluctant to your proposal, but he/she is willing to look for a compromise.” For example: if strangulation sex is too intense, you can use handcuffs, a blindfold or a whip.
Do you receive a proposal that is out of your comfort zone? Then you have something to gain from that
“Are you receiving a proposal that is out of your comfort zone? Then you can also gain something,” says Uwe. “You may be stimulated and start looking for the kink and thinking about it. You may learn something about sexuality, but also about yourself. Suppose you get a nervous feeling when you are suggested to visit a swingers club. Then you may wonder why that is.”
“Of course it is good to guard your boundaries. But trying new things is also beneficial. If at the end of the day you don’t think it’s worth repeating, that’s okay. But who knows, maybe a whole new world will open up for you? Then it is a fantastic win-win for all partners.”
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2023-11-30 10:50:17
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